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Touché! of the Day:
...in case you missed any
Also, see www.DatingAndHandGrenades.com for more daily humor!

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-Ché Rippinger, Humorist


Wednesday, April 6, 2011:
When things are going bad, they say it's "going to the dogs." Where are the cats, and they're responsibility in this? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, April 5, 2011:
Ah, leave it to the church to denounce exercise. Yep, some churches think yoga is stealing their flock, as parishioners find spirituality through a more personal and energetic process. Bet  church leaders are more a-hurtin' in the collection plates.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, April 4, 2011:
A car smashed into a...wait for it...a Smash Burgers restaurant. Guess he read the sign too literally?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Birthday* Weekend (*4/3), April 1-3, 2011:
Moments beforehand, is a good time to create a birthday gift registry for fire toys,LED props, and insurance, right? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 31, 2011:
A car smashed into a...wait for it...a Smash Burgers restaurant. Guess he read the sign too literally?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 30, 2011:
Getting to know you. Getting to know all the strange things about you.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 29, 2011:
Chocolate--friend or foe? Depends on one's motivations for indulging, and quantity of truckload consumed. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 28, 2011:
Technology makes life so great. When it's working.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, March 25-27, 2011:
Let them eat cake. As long as it's gluten-free, non-dairy, nut less and no fun.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 23, 2011:
Rest in peace Elizabeth Taylor-celebrity poster child for multiple marriages (8) and serial monogamy.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, March 18-20, 2011:
When was the last time you hugged your chair? That and dinner are the least you could do, in exchange of intimacy with your rear. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Thursday, March 17, 2011:
He who laughs last, probably needs a drink refill.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Birthday to my Grandpa Rippinger-89 and doing great!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011:
The older you get, the more birthday candles you have to blow out...with less wind power. Unless you use the number candles, as my grandfather so easily suggested.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 15, 2011:
Beware of the ides of March. Ides have a real mischievous streak.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 14, 2011:
Oooo-activity and a to-do list. What could go wrong?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, March 11-13, 2011:
It's the St. Pattie's Day party weekend. Drink green. Turn green.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 10, 2011:
Good things come to those who wait. Does that include waiting rooms?! 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 9, 2011:
It's colorectal cancer month. Bottoms up!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, March 4-6, 2011:
Welcome to your weekend wallet choices: family movie night, or brokering a deal for the gas pump. Both require pre-approved financing. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 2, 2011:
The ultimate measure of success, is your happiness. Or, the raging jealousy of others. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Tuesday, February 22, 2011:
A nun goes to the internet and opens a Facebook account to connect more people with God. This would be a great joke setup, if the nun wasn't kicked out of her cloister for social networking. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, February 21, 2011:
It's official. The plural form of the car named Prius, is Prii. Now you can safely continue with any other important thoughts for the week.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, February 18-20, 2011:
It's weekend warrior time. Better get stretching! 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 17, 2011:
Being sick at home is great-if you enjoy lawyer ads on television. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Wednesday, February 16, 2011:
It turns out, daytime television advertisers are much like late night infomercial sales-except in smaller time segments.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 15, 2011:
Time to hit the gym, after the Valentine's super-sized box 'o chocolates.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Valentine's Day!Monday, February 14, 2011:
Monday. It's the first day that comes to mind when you think, "Romance!"  
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Happy Superbowl!Weekend Edition, February 4-6, 2011:
One of the biggest indoor tail-gaiting weekends of the year-enjoy the beer, chips and coronaries!  
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 3, 2011:
Beauty is in the eye of the mass media beholder. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 1, 2011:
Wouldn't it be nice if our body parts went according to plan, instead of according to bills?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 31, 2011:
When life gives you lemons, make margaritas. Just not in your cubicle/near your boss. Unless you're the boss. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, January 28-30, 2011:
Nothing like a new day for a fresh start. Or nursing yesterday's pity-party hangover. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 27, 2011:
Sometimes it's fun to release anger easily, and yet milk it for all the guilt it's worth. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 26, 2011:
Who's afraid of the big bad commentary? Especially when it goes viral?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, January 21-23, 2011:
Smile, your dental records are showing. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Tuesday, January 11, 2011:
Tuesdays are still filled with "beginning of the week potential." A fun time to overfill that to-do list with prioritized activity, and optimism you can somehow accomplish it all. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 10, 2011:
Wow. Thank goodness for Viagra and a prenup. Congrats to Hugh Hefner, 84, and his 23-year-old new fiancé, Crystal Harris. Hats off to the man who started out as a cartoonist and then created the Playboy empire. (Hope he keeps that one little raincoat hat on though...those sperm may be fairy dust, or Rosemary's baby.)
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, January 7-9, 2011:
Visit a white coat (dentist/doctor), then try triage for the green hemorrhaging of your wallet.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 5, 2011:
If you're working out with infomercials late at night, maybe you're really working on a different New Year's goal: frugality.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy New Year!
Monday, January 3, 2011:
If you haven't already chucked your New Year's Resolution list out the window yet, congratulations-you're making progress! (And the window is probably frozen shut.)
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Happy New Year!
Weekend Edition, January 1 & 2, 2011:
January is National Hot Tea Month. Which may make February National Recovery From Crotch-Scald Month.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Merry Christmas to All-
Everyone here, and our angels beyond

Weekend Edition, December 24-26, 2010:
My Grandma used to say, "First you laugh. Then you cry." Boy, Grandma could be a real buzz kill.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, December 3-5, 2010:
Best line I heard from my fire spinning/safety meeting for the Denver Parade of Lights, "It's a family-friendly show. We don't want to scare the Normals." 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 3, 2010:
It's sometimes said, "Somewhere, a village is missing it's idiot." Ever wonder if there are cities, states and countries, too?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, October 15-17, 2010:
Find your bliss. Sad if it's Blistex in a tube. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
....psst...Wanna laugh some more?

Thursday, October 14, 2010:
Oh now here's your euphemism of the day: "cheating," is now, "permission-based infidelity." (If you're one of the slime who steps out of your marriage via a popular web site that supplies to that need.) 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
World Hoop Day 10/10/10
Join our Colorado group at Cheeseman Park in Denver 4-7pm
Bring your hoops & sense of humor, or borrow one from others!
Facebook Details


Ché is performing a hoop/belly dance piece at Mercury Cafe, Sat. Oct. 9, 2010, 9:30pm, Denver, Colorado.

Facebook Details
Weekend Edition,
October 8-10, 2010:
If you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at others. And tell them you're laughing "with" them.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, October 7, 2010:
For a real spiritual experience, don't forget to play golf in a lightening storm. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Hey Dad-be aware in the skies and fly safe. Happy Birthday!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010:
Fuck art. Laugh instead.  
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 5, 2010:
The good thing about drinking alone: no judgment calls.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Monday, October 4, 2010:
For some people, meditation is enlightening. For others, it's sleep.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, October 1-3, 2010:
Ever have one of those "Leave it to Beaver" moments, and then decided against the Brazilian wax? 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 30, 2010:
We should all be proactive, rather than procrastinators. Shall we try that theory tomorrow?

 Wednesday, September 29, 2010:
Catching the last rays of the Indian summer season in this hemisphere? Try a "wear your bikini to work day" and see how it boosts moral and productivity. Careful on that leather chair baking in the window sun. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 28, 2010:
It's so much easier to write a book on anti-aging, when you're younger. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, September 27, 2010:
Today's as good as it gets for a wedgy.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, September 24-26, 2010:
It's officially fall-affectionately know as "Fall off the gutter season".
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Tuesday, September 7, 2010:
Getting back to the work week after a holiday weekend can be challenging. Especially if you still have sand in your shorts. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, September 3-6, 2010:
Enjoy the last rays of summer. After that, it's a fashion faux pas to wear your bathing suit as underwear.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 2, 2010:
It's fun to pay bills. Especially when there's money in the account.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Tuesday, August 24, 2010:
Happy full moon. Now pull your pants up.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Tuesday, August 10, 2010:
Stalled out in life? Try watching late night t.v. Excellent variety for many infomercial/motivational/wallet-sucking ideas and solutions. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 9, 2010:
Laughter is the heart of the soul. It's on the skelatal diagram, right beneath the funny bone. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
 Weekend Edition, August 6-8, 2010:
Have you laughed today? It's either that, or add more fiber.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 5, 2010:
Any day is a good day when you're topside of the dirt. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, August 4, 2010:
Did you know that jade is a good feng shui "money" plant? And yet it's a succulant.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, August 3, 2010:
One of my organization teachers once said, "It always gets worse, before it gets better." At least I think that's what she said. I can't find the notes. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 2, 2010:
Whistle while you work. Unless you're eating crackers.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Blessings & R.I.P. John Callahan-one of my favorite edgy cartoonists.
Weekend Edition, July 30-August 1, 2010:
Ever hit one of those snazzy gizmo gas pumps that ask you if you want a car wash? While you're standing in the rain?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 29, 2010:
Will the corporate sponsors of the concert venues I frequent, PLEASE knock off the naming rights?! Banks and dental centers are not something I want to associate with my pleasurable activities. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

 Wednesday, July 28, 2010:
Fight or flight pile management: to organize or to go drink. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, July 27, 2010:
Why don't they make ice cream in "money" flavor? Then you could have your cold hard cash, and eat it, too.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 26, 2010:
Monday-a favorite day of the week to recycle last week's "to do" list.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
 Weekend Edition, July 23-25, 2010:
Wow. Death just takes the humor right out of you.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

God bless my mom, The original person who's respect and knowledge of all things Native American, Colorado, positive "you-can do-it" attitude & wickedly humorous spirit, inspired mine. She's always been my best friend and now she gets the best angelic seat in the house. Love ya, mom!
Give 'em hell in heaven.
-with love and humor,

As a well respected 25-year Religious Science Practitioner, a memorial service was held Friday, June 4, 3pm at Mile Hi Church in Lakewood, Colorado- with a colorful luau them celebrating her life.
She loved all things Hawaii (especially Kawai) even though our gorgeous mountains are are beloved home and sanctuary.

The Denver Post Obituary Listing

Holiday Weekend Edition, May 28-31, 2010:
Happy Memorial Day Weekend. Have fun with your backyard barbeques, tan lines, and obnoxious relatives drinking, if you're lucky!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, May 27, 2010:
It sucks when hospice cancels your initial appointment. It's like being put on hold, when calling the suicide hotline.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, May 26, 2010:
Ever hear about the one where the Grim Reaper walks into the D.M.V., and has to take a number?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, May 18, 2010:
Life is fun. Until it's not.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, May 17, 2010:
Whining about being in the office on a Monday? Try a street corner view with a cardboard sign.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, May 14-16, 2010:
Getting older is like playing beer pong with your body: you have a 50/50 chance of making it.
-Ché Rippinger, Humoris

Tuesday, May 11, 2010:
So what's the difference between a French and a Brazilian wax? A worse attitude???
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
So sorry, relationship humor-seekers: I'm Caring for a sick mom these days instead of keeping up with websites.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010:
Honk if you like hump day. Wait, you shouldn't be steering with that.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Thursday, April 15, 2010:
Tax day cometh and money goeth.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, April 14, 2010:
"If you love something, let it go" doesn't apply to tax refund checks.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, April 13, 2010:
Don't  you wish life was as exciting as the movie trailer? Especially if that one guy does the narrative voiceover?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, April 12, 2010:
Mondays are full of surprises. Like explaining a weekend's worth of credit card charges.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, April 9-11, 2010:
Life is full of known and unexpected surprises. Like overpaying taxes. And finding school chums on Facebook.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, April 8, 2010:
It's nice to have a little peaceful quiet time. As long as you're still breathing.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, April 5, 2010:
Don't you love it when you bring grocery carts back in so they don't hit other cars, only to find that someone has run a cart into your car? What...is there a temp filling in for Karma today?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, March 26-28, 2010:
Spring is a great season...for romance and cleanup.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 25, 2010:
Are you really making a personal fashion statement, or a career choice?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 24, 2010:
Isn't it fun when your priorities shift? Like when mother nature throws down and your snow day is by candlelight?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 23, 2010:
When your get up and go has got up and left, get off the couch and go after it.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 22, 2010:
Waking up on the wrong side of bed sucks. Especially if it is a wall.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, March 19-21, 2010:
Humor makes the world go around. Hecklers keep the gravitational rotation ring bouncy.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 18, 2010:
My dog just had his anal glands excised. Don't you wish there was a station at your work like that, where you could send disagreeable colleagues, to improve their demeanor?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 17, 2010:
Time to be green. Usually that just involves the after effects of a lot of drinking.
Happy St. Patrick's Day! 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 16, 2010:
The Census is here! The Census is here! Money to count how much money needs to count. (And if you want to be a butthead-don't send it in, so we spend a bunch of extra tax dollars going door to door for your legally mandated answers.) 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 15, 2010:
Ever get excited about Monday, because it's more relaxing and predictable than your weekend?  
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, March 12-14, 2010:
When you wish upon a star, you know it's a moving object...and by the time we see it, it's probably dead.   
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 11, 2010:
If you meditate in bed, and fall asleep, no one bugs you for doing it wrong. Unless you snore.  
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday March 9, 2010:
A kiss and tell is so passé. Now it's a sex and tell all, with technology to spread the graphic news in nanoseconds. Hooray for computers and our thirst for 'knowledge.'  
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday March 8, 2010:
Have you hugged your chiropractor today. Can you?! 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Wednesday, March 3, 2010:
Happy Birthday Yahoo! You're 10 years old. Too bad I had to Google to find that out. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, February 26-28, 2010:
Movie credits from "Night At the Museum Battle of the Smithsonian," had an entire "Stunt Neanderthal Team." Hmmm...any typecasting here? 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday February 25, 2010:
They just announced the legendary rock group The Eagles, are headlining an American Express concert tour. Cool. A follow up to their, "Hell Freezes Over 2" outing: aka the "We're Just Here To Collect A Paycheck Tour." 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition February 19-21, 2010:
I just went to a workshop called a "playshop." That's a great way to get people to signup and go to future events...and actually look forward to learning. That and free alcohol.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, February 17, 2010:
Shhh. Be verrrrrrry quiet. There are people nursing Mardi Gras hurricane hangovers all around you.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 16, 2010:
Apparently, Southwest Airlines kicked director/writer/actor Kevin Smith off of a flight because he was too big for one seat. Ooooooh, you mess with "Silent Bob" and watch him speak!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, February 15, 2010:
If you couldn't find something exciting to celebrate over the weekend (Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year, or the Olympics), how about President's Day, today? Now aren't you wishing you went card shopping earlier?!  
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, February 12-14, 2010:
It's a dog pile smorgasbord of celebratory choices: Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year, and Olympics. Just going to prove, every day is a good excuse to give a card, or do shots. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 11, 2010:
There's a Star Trek cologne. Don't think that really means going boldly where no one's gone before. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, February 10, 2010:
Quick, think of something wonderful to buy for Valentine
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 9, 2010:
Tuesday: A "do-over" for those of us who didn't get it right on Monday. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, February 8, 2010:
Don't you love it when you predict the game winning play of the game, moments before it actually happens? Isn't it fabulous when there's actual witnesses to back you up?! Congrats New Orleans on your Super Bowl Victory! Too bad I didn't have money on my game winning play call to the heavens.  
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, February 5-7, 2010:
Music, munchies, and mayhem, tailgating, face painting, chest bumping and really expensive advertising. And that's just the pre-game festivities. Happy Super Bowl Weekend!  
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 4, 2010:
Are you rearranging your life around the Super Bowl? Why not? Have you not been swept up with the media mayhem of what's supposed to be important to advertisers?! 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 2, 2010:
Here's my made-up word of the day: Tweetdeath. It's when someone fills your screen with so much stuff you unfollow them. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, January 29-31, 2010:
Now this just sounds like a "need-a-lawyer-kind-of-bad-decision-in a glass"
Drink Name-Liquid Cocaine: 1 part(s) Goldschlager, 1 part(s) Jagermeister, 1 part(s) 151 Proof Rum
Shake with ice. Pour into shooter glass. Shoot!  (from www.barmeister.com)  
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 28, 2010:
Really cold weather is the best time to go get ice cream. There's no line. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 27, 2010:
The government just banned texting for the bus and trucking industry. Thank goodness for that "duh" factor.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 26, 2010:
There's a People's Choice award for the Aspen cannabis festival. Now there's motivation besides munchies for a judge's application. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 25, 2010:
Leave it to Colorado to have a cannabis festival. Surprise, surprise. It's in Aspen, not Boulder. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, January 22-24, 2010:
Have you tried Laughter Yoga? It hits the body's happy trifecta: giggling, breathing, and exercise. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

, January 21, 2010:
Not a huggie-kind of person? That's o.k. No one wants your cooties anyway. 
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 20, 2010:
Getting a little behind already in the new year? Join the overlist club.    -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 19, 2010:
Try a new recipe today. For food, not disaster.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 18, 2010:
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go. Hopefully it isn't as a ho. Although, they do have some interesting business deductions.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, January 15-17, 2010:
Isn't it great that locker room talk has made it to the board room? It's not a bored meeting anymore.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

, January 14, 2010:
Are you at the top of your game? Do you at least have a ticket to get into the stadium?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 13, 2010:
"Ha" means inspiration in Hawaiian. Now you know that getting your daily does of humor is good for your creative mojo. So go forth and ha ha, a lot today.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 12, 2010:
It is said that to eat an elephant, you must start with the first bite. So procrastinators and vegetarians are off the hook.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 11, 2010:
Gotta love a good euphemism...debt, is called credit.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, January 8-10, 2010:
There's a male band out there who happily sings, "I don't want to be in a faceless concubine." They do know that involves sex, right?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 7, 2010:
Go figure. A guy named Ryan Dirteater is a pro bull rider. 8 seconds on the bull, and the rest...in the...well you read his Native American last name. This joke's too easy.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 6, 2010:
Screw up your resolutions yet? How about now?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 5, 2010:
We now have more medical marijuana dispensaries than Starbucks. Denver finally lives up in, all respects, to the famous "Mile High City" moniker.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 4, 2010:
Congratulations! You've officially made it to the new year and new work week...and brought the old you.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, January 1-3, 2010:
Just when you thought you could breath through the holidays, the media brings up tax season.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 31, 2009:
Last chance to make fun of everyone necking near mistletoe. Then you have to give up being snarky for New Year's.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 30, 2009:
Quick, laugh at you before someone else does. It kills their timing.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 29, 2009:
It's crunch time to see what you can say you accomplished in 2009. Or you can say you lost your list.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 28, 2009:
Santa has allegedly been spotted in the Caribbean. Some say taking a time-out on a boat named "Privacy" with Tiger Woods.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, December 26-28, 2009:
It's Black Friday/Sales Weekend redux. Quick, find your holiday gift cards before they get lost in the gift wrap recycling!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Merry Christmas Everyone!
...May your holidays be filled with peace, joy & laughter!

Thursday & Friday, December 24-25, 2009:
Guess Homeland Security should tap into the North Pole headquarters. Because everyone knows that Santa's got the 411 hookup on all good and bad activity.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 23, 2009:
Ho, ho, ho. Hey, watch what you call Santa's little helpers. One might be yo' mama.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 22, 2009:
American Airlines has the slogan, "American Airlines knows why you fly." Uh, really? If true, you'd think they'd include your luggage, some food, drinks, plane fuel, and nicely paid people who help you enjoy flying again, and remind you to grab your seat cushion in the unlikely event of a nosedive.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 21, 2009:
Still debating on that "perfect gift?" You can try the Saturday Night Live skit/gift recommendation: "d**k in a box." And get yourself a nice little lawyer, while you're up.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, December 18-20, 2009:
Are you itching to see what Santa brought you for Christmas? They have a cream for that.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 17, 2009:
Nothing like a little deadline pressure to test  the limits of caffeine crazy.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 16, 2009:
Give and you shall receive. Unless you caught the other person by surprise.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 15, 2009:
Just because you like Santa, doesn't mean you have to look like him. Put down the cookie.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, December 11-13, 2009:
It's so much easier to go "dashing through the snow" when you're slipping on ice.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 10, 2009:
Getting up early is good practice for sadomasichism.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 9, 2009:
Some one threaten the inner peace of your inner child? Two words will settle it: dodge ball.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 8, 2009:
Are you wasting time on TweetDeck? Or just going down the tech rabbit hole, without a pick.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 7, 2009:
To each his own. Unless you own it.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Thursday, December 3, 2009:
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Or at least like Santa's elves hit the malls on eggnog.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 2, 2009:
Don't you love going to a class, just to learn all about how much you don't know?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 1, 2009:
Rounding the bend of year's end. Either a  holiday bon bon race to the finish, or trying to slow it down, while freaking out where the other 11 months went and how to cram in the rest of that activity in just 1.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 30, 2009:
An insurance agent, a dentist and a lawyer go into a bar. Not really. But they're usually the first holiday cards you receive each year.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, November 27-29, 2009:
Did you ever have one of those domino projects? You know, the kind that is seemingly one single task, but actually has several steps to get through first, before ever getting to the satisfaction of knocking that first one down?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, November 26, 2009:
Your local tofurkey says thank you for killing your local vegetables instead of the feathered brethren. Happy T-day: May your blessings and humor to enjoy them be bountiful.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 25, 2009:
Black Friday is coming up. Perhaps it's both shopping and stock market-related.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 24, 2009:
Throw a telemarketer completely off of their phone script. Offer to by millions of dollars worth of their product, once your Nigerian check cashes.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 23, 2009:
Time to hit the ground running. Here's hoping the hit didn't cause shin splints.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, November 20-22, 2009:
'Tis the weekend for New Moon fever. Come on-get bitten by the sexy monster hipster hype already.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, November 19, 2009:
If you get the chance, definitely go see the Trans Siberian Orchestra this holiday season. Who is TSO, you ask? They're like Manheim Steamroller...on crack.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 18, 2009:
Porn Star. Now there's a profession you can brag about with admiration from a nursing home.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 17, 2009:
One never realizes the reality of their to-do list, until your halfway finished with stuff that's not even on it.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, November 13-15, 2009:
Looks like another football-loving, desperate housewives-kind of weekend. With laundry.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 11, 2009:
Burning the midnight oil? Yet another reason to go green.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 10, 2009:
Who has tech boundary issues? Anyone? Anyone? Especially in a world where the computer is god, and sleep is a luxury.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 9, 2009:
Yep, this was a real headline, "To sculpt your body, work out like a Greek." But does naked, really work in today's gym? Swine flu, flu flu, and pesky things growing on flapping parts? Lysol, please.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, November 6-8, 2009:
No one said life would be easy. But really, someone should have lied and said it anyway.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, November 5, 2009:
This daylight savings thing is a little odd to get the body clock used to. It's like someone shut the lights out after lunch.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 4, 2009:
Snow and the Trans Siberian Orchestra Christmas show came really early this year. It's like I should just put up the Christmas tree and hibernate already!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 3, 2009:
It's kind of a messed up cosmic joke how such gorgeous days can be ironically filled with all the stuff that needs to be done inside.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 2, 2009:
It's almost laughable, when the phone company can't communicate well by phone. It's a double bonus when they have the option to mess things up, but not fix it.
(Gee, thanks Qwest!)-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, October 30-November 1, 2009:
Halloween and Daylight Savings rollback time change all in one weekend? You could probably forget to wear a costume because you ran out of time, and just show up naked.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, October 29, 2009:
It's fun exercising a short white dog in deep snow. It's like playing tunnels versus aliens-without batteries.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, October 28, 2009:
Ever get done with a project and have apparent amnesia from the crisis and chaos, as you just revel in the completion?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 27, 2009:
An organizational teacher used to say, "It always gets worse before it gets better." Now I know it means for life and clutter.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, October 26, 2009:
The upside of the H1N1 panic? Stressing the importance of sneezing and hand washing manners, which we should all be doing anyway. Also known as the "duh" factor.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, October 23-25, 2009:
Looking for economical Halloween costume ideas? Try your own closet-especially borrowing from a profession or job you've recently worked in. Extra bonus if you make it a "slutty" or "sexy" version...i.e. "sexy human resource manager" or "slutty accountant."
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, October 9-10, 2009:
The Eskimo fairy came early this year...and snow-globed us.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, October 8, 2009:
Ah, seasonal change from summer to fall. Yep, nice, expected, but of course, too soon. Then mother nature pulls a sight gag and adds snow.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, October 7, 2009:
Having a web site mention is probably about as thrilling as those coupon books for silly stuff. But it's instant, out there for the world to see, and fits in the marketing budget.
Happy Birthday Dad! Love Ya!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 6, 2009:
Organization and clearing is such a fun process. Especially when you turn around and all the crap reappears.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, October 5, 2009:
Some people have their ducks in a row. Some have them in the repair shop. Helpful for the next time they get shot down.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, October 2-4, 2009:
Sometimes life slams your fingers in one door then offers a hand surgeon in another.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, September 25-27, 2009:
First official weekend of fall. I think you're supposed to do a hay ride or clean your house, or something like that, to celebrate.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 24, 2009:
They say sometimes you are just supposed to trust your angels. What if your angels are punking you?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 23, 2009:
It's officially fall. Now it's considered a major fashion faux pas to wear your bathing suit as underwear.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, September 21, 2009:
Welcome to Monday. And you thought your weekend to-do list was hilarious.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, September 18-20, 2009:
Here's a word you want to try this weekend: "knitbombing." Yep, now those crafty knitters of the world are secretly adding deco to outdoor public works, much like graffiti artists. Beware buddy, grandma may be in the gang, now!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 17, 2009:
Ever hear of "toe cleavage?" Apparently, flaunting your pretty tootsies is not just for the foot fetish crowd anymore.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 16, 2009:
It's great when you surprise yourself. Especially if you're already wearing panty protection.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 15, 2009:
You gotta love the pressure of a deadline. The battle between caffeine versus brain power is a seat-of-your-pants, game of wit and procrastination, not to be missed!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, September 15, 2009:
Did you laugh your socks off yet today?? Did you even put socks on?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Wednesday, September 9, 2009:
Natural disaster is fun. Especially when it comes to the fine print in your insurance policy.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 8, 2009:
A great example of "irony in America":  parents pulling their kids out of school, to protest President Barack Obama's speech to kids, encouraging them...to stay in school.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday Holiday Bonus Edition, September 7, 2009:
Ever notice that bills don't take a vacation? Not even a flippin' staycation.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Holiday Weekend Edition, September 4-7, 2009:
Feeling a little itchy at work? There's a topical holiday weekend you can apply, with relatively no side effects...unless you do something stupid.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 3, 2009:
9 times out of 10, to heal, we are told to "leave it alone," let it rest, or stop using it for a while. Just think how much faster we'd heal, if we actually followed directions?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 2, 2009:
Homeland Security: Keeping your privacy breeched since before you were born.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 1, 2009:
Boy, time flies, when you're packing boxes.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 31, 2009:
Moving is a fun process of elimination. You save the oddest things, trash what someone else thinks is valuable, and decide what goes by what fits in the box/truck.

-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
From @ToucheToon on Twitter: Closing our bricks/mortar El Rancho Trading Post. After 8/31online only: www.elranchotrading.com Mom's health + me pulling off 7 days/wk

Weekend Edition, August 28-30, 2009:
A quotation from my friend Jean Z. was too funny to pass up...
"A year without Bodacious Babes, is a year without sunshine."

(The notorious BBS party is this weekend-life crisis'--be damned--we're going to laugh and drink anyway!)
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, August 21-23, 2009:
'Tis the season for grilling in scorching heat. Do you think all the great ideas have been started under the influence of alcohol?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 20, 2009:
Ever get the feeling life didn't come equipped with GPS?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, August 19, 2009:
Ever notice that "fine print" is only "fine" for one of the parties?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, August 18, 2009:
How many ways can you go around an important deadline? Let me count the "To-Do" list ways...
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 17, 2009:
I wonder if the person who answered the "How do you eat an elephant-one bite at a time," really tried their own advice?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, August 14-16, 2009:
It's International Artist's Day. Nude body painting is considered artistic and  celebratory, right?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 13, 2009:
Lefties of the world unite...for an International Left Handers day of festivities, like throwing the ball like a girl and blowing stuff up.
-Ché Rippinger, Humori
Wednesday, August 5, 2009:
Pssssst is not a nice sound. Whether it comes out of a human, or a tire.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, August 4, 2009:
It's good to dance. Naked at work, probably not so much.

-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 3, 2009:
Needing to sleep after a fun weekend? That's what cubicles and laptops are for.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, July 31-August 2, 2009:
Can you have too much fun? Probably, if you're giggling through church.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 30, 2009:
Smile. It makes them want to check your medication.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, July 29, 2009:
Have you played "hospital shuttle" yet? It's not quite as fun as it sounds.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, July 24-26, 2009:
There's a new dance song about drinking "Patron" (tequila). That's followed on the radio by "Hotel Room" song. Sounds like trouble with a dance beat.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 23, 2009:
How to make funny ha ha without illegal substance crutches in the midst of chaos? I say we go with a banana peel.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, July 17-19, 2009:
Everything's funnier with a Guinness in your hand. Well, maybe not an arrest warrant.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 16, 2009:
It's fun when things things reel out of control. It makes you appreciate your mortality.

-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, July 15, 2009:
It turns out more and more folks can drink on the job. Isn't working from home great?!

-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, July 14, 2009:
Good thing we don't settle things like they sometimes do in the animal kingdom. Because 'to the death' is really messy in a boardroom setting.

-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 13, 2009:
Expectations are a funny thing. Sometimes they rise up meet you, and sometimes the sign says, "road out ahead."

-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, July 10-12, 2009:
Long sunny days, riding with the top down, trashy novels, pool time, skimpy clothes, outdoor fun, bugs and sunscreen. Either this is summer, or pictures in your cubicle.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 9, 2009:
Buying local saves jobs. Perhaps yours.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, July 8, 2009:
So much internet. So little sleep.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, July 7, 2009:
The Butthole Surfers...kind of like The Beach Boys. But for a slightly different summer music crowd.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 6, 2009:
It's never too late to make a change. Especially if it's court-ordered.

-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, July 3-5, 2009:
I don't want to be the last one on the Facebook bandwagon to wish America a Happy Birthday. But as a good guest, aren't we supposed to bring a gift?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 2, 2009:
It's got to be quite a job skill for health care professionals to make small talk, with their fingers up your nether regions.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, July 1, 2009:
Isn't it funny how, every year, we all look up at the calendar in complete disbelief and still say, "I can't believe it's July/___ already!!"
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 30, 2009:
It's good to greet the police nicely at the door. It's bad if you say hello with a weapon.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 29, 2009:
Time flies. Especially when those pesky Monday's keep creeping into our calendars.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, June 26-28, 2009:
It's not that celebrity deaths are more important than world news, it's just our version of "hands over the ears 'la, la, la' I don't want to hear any more bad stuff" reaction to all the other crud going on.

RIP Ed McMahon, Farrah Faucett & Michael Jackson.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, June 25, 2009:
A small child questioned why I was requesting that he be in our store shopping with his parents. "Because I charge $150 an hour for baby sitting," I answered.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 24, 2009:
Ever have a race up a mountain top with a fellow drunk person? Yeah, me neither.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 23, 2009:
You gotta love a piping hot mega cheese pizza. Well, maybe not the upper roof of the mouth scar tissue part.
Monday, June 22, 2009:
It would have been nice to make it out to the family wedding this weekend. I was looking forward to really bad truck stop road trip food.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Happy Father's Day!
Weekend Edition, June 19-21 2009:

Go ahead and plan a weekend of chic flicks. And let your honey know that he can retrieve his testicles from the freezer on Monday.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, June 18 2009:
My aunt used to say, "Time flies when you're paying bills." I think today many folks would say, "Time flies when you're ducking creditors."
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 17 2009:
The road of life is filled with good intentions, broken dreams, and just enough foreign objects to give you a flat every once in a while.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 16 2009:
Some days are like pinning Jello to the wall. Other's are just about blowing up the wall.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 15 2009:
Ever have one of those days where it's not even that you're not in the ball park, but security has helped escort you out?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
THIS Friday, June 19th, 6-9 pm 
Ink Lounge Gallery, 445 S Saulsbury St., Lakewood, Colorado
For those of you who couldn't make it to the show's opening night and haven't had a chance to get by the lounge to see the show, here is your opportunity to do so. If you who are wanting to purchase, or have purchased one of the art pieces, you can take it with you that evening. All artists who hung pieces in the show are also encouraged to swing by for the closing and pick up your piece(s) at the end of the night. If you can't make it, you can also pick your work up on Saturday between the hours of noon and 5 pm.
Weekend Edition, June 12-14 2009:
Looking forward to the weekend? A nice break from the action. Or so action-packed that you're looking more forward to resting on Monday?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Birthday Mom!!!
Thursday, June 11, 2009:

When you're down, celebrate. You needed a good excuse anyway.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 10, 2009:
The way to a man's heart is in his cell phone log.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 9, 2009:
Someone sent me a resume for a job from the e-mail address "clueless@...." Hmmm. I'm thinking no.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 8, 2009:
Isn't it nice when someone's got your back? And there's no knife involved.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, June 5-7, 2009:
Life is short. Wear a prom dress or tux to work, just to shake things up.
Snub out Casual Friday. ...  Call it "Over-Formal Friday."
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Thursday, June 4, 2009:
Remember when Grandma said, "If it's important, they'll call back?" She'd be ticked knowing they can now track you into the bathroom with satellite GPS.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 3, 2009:
There's a web site called Shop4Guys.com. I wonder if they're on sale?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 2, 2009:
Where's Karma when you need her?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 1, 2009:
A couple found a Jesus figure in a Cheetos cheese puff. Apparently times have changed for the religious icon, as the answer to the question, "What would 'Cheesus' do?" is now...sell him on eBay.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, May 29-31, 2009:

There may be "a lid for every pot." If that's the case, there's a few vases out there.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, May 28, 2009:

I think my newspaper delivery person is out to smack the early bird getting a worm. Or polishing their Indy car racing skills.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, May 27, 2009:
The wee hours would be a wee better if there was a little less time weeing.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, May 26, 2009:
After a holiday weekend, Tuesday feels like Monday. But with less time to get more done.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Holiday Double Weekend Edition, May 22-25, 2009:
Ah, if only we could put grill marks on everything in life.

Please take a moment  this weekend to appreciate the veterans and their families that we get the chance to read, laugh and enjoy what we like.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, May 21, 2009:
Ever have those days where, if you take the fingers out of your ears, your brain will fall out?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, May 20, 2009:
Confusedsious Say: One should only burn candle at both ends...when enough wax in the middle.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, May 19, 2009:
Welcome to the wild world of social networks-where Miss Manners would need a high tech hankie.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, May 18, 2009:
There's a new study out that says people who sleep more have better weight loss. Come on, hands up: who wants to believe this theory?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, May 15-17, 2009:
Remember when weekends were for resting, instead of catching up on life's little crisis list?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, May 14, 2009:
Ah, deadlines. The ultimate adrenaline-pumping, hyperactive, fire under the butt, motivator.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, May 13, 2009:
Projects are kind of like cock roaches...there's always more than meets the eye.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, May 12, 2009:
Just curious...who went out into the garden first, picked up a cucumber and thought, "Gee, this would make a nice sex toy."
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, May 11, 2009:
Laugh while you can. Tomorrow you could be dead.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, May 8-10, 2009:
Happy Happy Mother's Day!!  To all the moms, women and men in supportive rolls of mothers, replacements, helping hands and rest of the assistance village.

I got my mom the best Mother's Day gift ever. Funny thing is that I learned the, "take the big project off of mom's To-Do list by going to Home Depot and get it done" trick...from Dad.

-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, May 7, 2009:
Cyberspace. Perhaps it that's the final, or at least weirdest...frontier.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, May 6, 2009:
Shopping for Mother's Day? Victoria's Secret may still be "in," but Home Depot is gladly taking more biz these days.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, May 5, 2009:
Happy Cinco de Mayo. May the tequila be with you.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, May 4, 2009:
Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  Or at least creates a media panic.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, April 24-26, 2009:
Earth Day. Take Your Kid (Daughter) to Work Day. Arbor Day. That's like the 'raising things right' holiday trifecta.
(Wednesday, Thursday & Friday, respectfully)-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, April 23, 2009:
Lost in YouTube? HDTV? Converter boxes? Twitter? You could read a book. If only it had special fx. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, April 22, 2009:
Happy Earth Day!
 Like we needed to pick just one out of 365 to care enough to do something about! We've got to thank Mother Nature for being such a good sport and letting us stay on the planet to make her laugh.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, April 21, 2009:
Life is funny. Not that you meant it to be that way.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, April 20, 2009:
Back in your office? Or playing hooky while drunkenly celebrating April as national kite flying month?!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, April 17-19, 2009:
Ah, "Rocky Mountain High" might just have the meaning of listening to the weather report. 70 degrees one day, three feet of snow the next. Mother nature is a very entertaining comedian here.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, April 15, 2009:
And now a reading from our lady of 1040 Schedule C forms: what the government taketh because we took smaller deductions, it giveth back, alas a portion of, with no interest. Amen.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, April 14, 2009:
It's so nice that Barrack Obama is following me on Twitter. Better than the Homeland Security part of the White House.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, April 13, 2009:
April is National Humor Month. Seriously, it is.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Easter!Weekend Edition, April 10-12, 2009:
My computer is a little spicy. When "gelato" came up as a wrong spelling, it suggested using "fellatio" instead.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, April 7, 2009:
To do lists are only good for one thing: exponential expansion.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, April 6, 2009:
Did you have a nice weekend on Craigslist? Anything you can explain around the water cooler?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, April 3-5, 2009:
Oh sure, age is just a state of mind-until you get old.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, April 2, 2009:
Regifting is sooooo eco-chic. Especially if you're 'hand-me-downs' are from a high tech gadget geek!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, April 1, 2009:
If you're going to tell a guy you're pregnant as an April Fools joke, make sure he doesn't have a successful vasectomy first.

-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 31, 2009:
March going out like a lion? It's good to go out with PETA watching your back.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 30, 2009:
I have a whole birthday list of cool things to get or do for my birthday week. Must be earning my age. In addition to some froufrou drinks, getting my taxes magically filed is on my roster.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, March 27-29, 2009:
The nice thing about a snow day is getting caught up with your computer work. Until the connection and power go out, from the bad weather.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 26, 2009:
The good news? At least you can't get a hairball from 'tweeting.'
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 25, 2009:
Google isn't exactly fact-checking, but it sure does settle bets for drinks.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 24, 2009:

If we could figure out some good jellyfish recipes, there could be an upside to this whole global warming thing.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 23, 2009:
I wonder if in yoga, "cat" pose, for cats, is called "human" pose.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, March 20-22, 2009:
The radio ad said, "Jägermeister, 35% alcohol by volume...drink responsibly." Hmmm...I've never seen anyone sip "Jäger" responsibly. Not exactly a savory-type beverage. Unless you enjoy your shooters with kick your a** cough syrup. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 19, 2009:
The drug companies really want to empty our pocketbooks into their bank accounts. There's a new term, "add-on therapy." So now you can take theirs and buy ours!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 18, 2009:
Sometimes "organization" is just straightening out the piles.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009:

Ay! Keep it green! Recycle those green Mardi Gras beads for St. Pattie's. See how much sense that makes on another drinking holiday?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 16, 2009:
Get some sleep. Of course, if you drink on the job tomorrow to celebrate the green holiday, you may have many more days off, to take a nap.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Double Whammy Weekend Edition, March 13-15, 2009:
Happy Friday the 13th. Remember not to go in any dark rooms, alone, or to camp to have sex.  Definite serial killer magnets.

March 14-Pi Day. Yep. Suggestion for the not-so-obvious: celebrate with ice cream cake.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 12, 2009:
Woohoo! An Applied Cognitive Psychology study said that doodling helps memory. That gets some of us off the hook of tuned-out and inattentive.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 11, 2009:

To distract and decelerate the bad boys and girls at an Australian mall, security tried to mellow them with Manilow.  Apparently the Barry tunes are working and ceasing or moving the destructive behaviors.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 10, 2009:

A pocket full of sunshine would be a great thing to have. Except for the UV rays and the ball of gaseous fire part.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 9, 2009:
Relationships are/Life is like a box of chocolates. A little antioxidant power and happy brain chemistry. Followed by a sugar crash.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, March 6-8, 2009:
Groupie shopping. Liquor endurance. Multi-city gigs. Triathlons for rock stars.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 5, 2009:

Just when you thought you could breath through the holidays, the media brings up tax season.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 4, 2009:
Wow. Some of us got sucked into watching The Bachelor season finale. There's an hour we'll never get back. Plus discussion time. With people who care.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 3, 2009:
I don't want to buy the world a Coke, but a pair of suspenders might be a useful investment.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 2, 2009:
Do you have a mythical creature in your office? A snipe? A unicorn? A secure job?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist


Weekend Edition, February 27-March 1, 2009:
Remember when a fedora was the epitome of fashion? Welcome to trucker hats, visible boxers and waistlines that hang below the butt cheeks.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 26, 2009:
Are you whining because you lost your pension? The previous generation didn't have a pension. And they lived uphill, both ways, in snow.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, February 25, 2009:
There's an ancient philosophy that insists we shouldn't follow other's philosophies.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Mardi Gras-Fat Tuesday, February 24, 2009:
Happy Mardi Gras. Thanks to global warming, a Hurricane doesn't just have to be a mind-blowing drink.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, February 20-22, 2009:
"Gee, Marge, where'd you get your anal prosthetic replacement done?" That outta liven up future nursing home conversations.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 19, 2009:
I kissed a Mac, and I liked it. Hope my PC don't mind it.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, February 18, 2009:

Every once in a while, you realize all of your dreams have come true. Then the alarm clock goes off.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 17, 2009:
"Disney on Ice." Shouldn't this be the name of a drink?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, February 16, 2009:
Playmobil Security Check Point
Hey kids! There's a Playmobile Security Checkpoint play set.* Complete with baggage you can't open and security screeners. Product downfall: you can't remove the shoes for inspection. *Bomb squad play set not included.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Valentine's Weekend!
Weekend Edition, February 13-15, 2009:
Sex toys are the new chocolate.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 12, 2009:
The upside of ruffling one comedian-a mere ripple of financial repercussion. But the tsunami from the butt of jokes and people to hear it...priceless!
(Thanks Chase Mortgage for giving me soooo much great, mind-bogglingly true, years of material to work with!)-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, February 11, 2009:
Life is full of surprises. Like where your money goes and how it gets there.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 10, 2009:
If life is a cabernet, I want a refill.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, February 9, 2009:
After listening to the myriad of side effects, it's hard to choose: hormone replacement therapy or baseball bat.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist


Wednesday, February 4, 2009:
Valentine's Day on the horizon. Shouldn't we be running from a fat flying cherub with weapons?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Day After Groundhog Day
Tuesday, February 3, 2009:
Awww...the groundhog saw his shadow and we have 6 more weeks of winter. That little guy must have quite a stash in his liquor cabinet.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Groundhog Day!
Monday, February 2, 2009:
Favorite Super Bowl ad tally time...which was your favorite? If you're reading this at work, you may want to revisit the monster job search one again.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, January 30-Feb. 1, 2009:
PETA's banned "Veggie Love" Super Bowl ad gives a whole new dimension to eating your vegetables.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 29, 2009:
The decision to spend a record 3 million dollars on one 30 second spot in the Super Bowl during a recession. Or go the PETA route and get one banned for sexual content, so the media plays it up as controversy, instead. Brilliant budgeting at it's best!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 28, 2009:
How's your Chinese New Year going so far? Year of the Ox, symbol of prosperity.  Find any coins behind the sofa cushions yet?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 27, 2009:
Don't you love the library? It's like Wikipedia for hands-on readers.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Chinese New Year! Year of the Ox/Bull which symbolizes prosperity! Who couldn't use that right about now?!

Monday, January 26, 2009:
When the going gets rough, the tough get industrial-grade caffeine.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, January 23-25, 2009:
So, if your cell phone is converted to a sex toy*, proper etiquette would be to let your calls roll over to voice mail, right?!
(*see yesterday's humor)-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 22, 2009:
Wow, your cell phone can be converted into a sex toy. That'd be the ultimate use of your free night and weekend minutes, wouldn't you agree?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 21, 2009:
Wahoo! Change has come. Free at last! Free at last! But you still have to pay your credit card bill.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 20, 2009:
The White House got to try out it's new, taller, extremely high tech security vehicle today for the Presidential Inauguration. The ultimate government version of 'pimp my ride."
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 19, 2009:

Happy bank and government holiday. Bet you're working, too.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, January 16-18, 2009:
Playboy actually has a satellite radio channel. Do you think they just read the articles?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 15, 2009:
Who knew that being a human pretzel only takes a couple of thousand yoga classes?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 14, 2009:
If at first you don't succeed, try whining 'til you get a bailout.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 13, 2009:
This year it's so much easier for folks to write "09" on everything. Trying to have selective amnesia to make "08" disappear.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 12, 2009:
The porn industry is asking for a government bailout. This is just too funny for a Monday. I see script plots. Oh, wait. Those movies aren't built on plots.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, January 9-11, 2009:
Oh sure, it's all just fun and games. And then some bright bulb actually KEEPS a resolution!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 8, 2009:
Things that make you go, "what the...???":  Would you rather have a sun roof or a moon roof?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 5, 2009:

OK, you know times are tough when an entire country puts itself up for sale. Latvians  got a signed petition to get Roman Abromovich to purchase their beloved Latvia for a mere 10.7 billion dollars. They even threw in a parking space for his new yacht.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, January 2-4, 2009:
I'm out to save the world. One laugh at a time.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy New Year!!!
Thursday, January 1, 2009:
'May old acquaintance be forgot'...most people want a little memory lapse for a lot of 2008.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 31, 2008:
Last day of the year to accomplish this year's resolutions...And go!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 30, 2008:
Here's a handy Martha Stewart style tip: Don't throw out the dried out Christmas tree just yet. You can use it for bottle rocket fuel for New Year's Eve!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 29, 2008:

Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? How about some love, attention and a good tantrum?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, December 26-28, 2008:
Recovering from that christmahanuquanzicka celebration? Sugarplums, rum balls, fruitcakes, dreidels, relatives, carols, and lots 'o dishes. Sure beats a silent night for entertainment value.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 25, 2008:

Hope Santa brings you humor. He really should clean up after his own reindeer, though.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 24, 2008:
Ah, time for a little ho, ho, ho for the holidays. Just don't say that around grandma or she'll smack you upside the head.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 23, 2008:
Holy stocking stuffers, Rudolph, it's 2 only days 'til Christmas. Better wipe off the hard drive of all that naughty stuff, before Santa finds out.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 22, 2008:
An ad with pictures of semi-automatic handguns reads, "What are YOU getting Dad for Christmas?" Depends...is that before or after the Jack Daniels and in-law's visit?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, December 19-21, 2008:
Alleluia. Elvis has a new Christmas album out. I think it's called "Dead Duets."
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 18, 2008:
Wow, for a fee, you can name a star after someone. Is someone checking to see if anyone else in the universe called dibs?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 17, 2008:
'Tis the season for hugs, kisses, colds and communicable diseases. You might wanna Lysol that mistletoe.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 16, 2008:
What could possibly be the best gift for my dad who has everything? How about a gift that doesn't make him go into anaphylactic shock from being anywhere near my cat?!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 15, 2008:
Oh sure, it's all just fa-la-la-la-la until someone gets eggnog in the eye.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, December 12-14, 2008:
What's with the Cialis drug commercial couples, sitting in separate bath tubs holding hands? If the drug worked, shouldn't they be together in the same tub?!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 11, 2008:
Of course you can't kick the dog. But the dog has no problem kicking the cat. And vice versa.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 10, 2008:
'Tis definitely the season. You could pretty much put a bow or mistletoe on anything.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 9, 2008:
Got Snow? Got Nog? Got Humor?!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 8, 2008:
Trick Monday question...which is more optimistic?
Getting through the work week to get to the holiday weekend.
Surviving a holiday-filled weekend.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition December 5-7, 2008:
It's so cute when the cat eats the holiday tinsel. It makes for very festive rear decorations.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 4, 2008:
Ah, the perfect little "gift card" gift. It's like cash, with a slight amount more of plastic thought.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 3, 2008:
The holidays are an excellent time to see what your health insurance actually covers, firsthand.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 2, 2008:
LED lights are the way to go this year if you're decorating. Because you want to be asking, "What would baby Jesus do to save the planet?"-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 1, 2008:
'Tis the season to over-cram the schedule, over-commit, over-eat and stress out. Or, you can phone it in.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 28-30, 2008:
Texting, shopping, over-indulging...Oh, My! The true spirit of the holidays.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thursday, November 27, 2008:
We should all have vampires over for Thanksgiving. That way if anyone gets out of hand...-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 26, 2008:
'Tis the season for a little holiday mood music. Like "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer."
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 25, 2008:
Might as well work out a little extra now to prepare for over-eating on T-day. A few wrist circles should prevent any fork or remote control lifting injuries.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 24, 2008:
Ah, welcome to a shorter work week. You can almost smell the holiday cooking disaster now.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 21-23, 2008:
What do you get for a 4 week anniversary? Rock, paper, scissors? Memory enhancer?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, November 20, 2008:
I liked my grandma's theory on cleaning...if you make your bed, 1/2 the room is already tidied up.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 19, 2008:
Ever use those 3-D glasses for other things...like at work?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 18, 2008:
You think god created Tuesdays, as a 'do-over' for Mondays?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 17, 2008:

Caffeine...the magical lubricant that gets the brain working, in consecutive order.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 14-16, 2008:
Sure alcohol makes you a better dancer. Until you see the video.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

New 4 page article on El Rancho-Check out the online article (less photos) or come in to see the full layout!

Thursday, November 13, 2008:
Scooping the family ashes into a new jewelry piece? Why not?! Then you can finally say, "I wear dead people."-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

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The NEW "Dating And Hand Grenades" monthly feature articles are here! - Humor, heart, and an entertaining way to laugh at the reality of our relationships.

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Wednesday, November 12, 2008:
Silly is the new sexy.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 11, 2008:
When all else fails...laugh. And don't look at your checkbook.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 10, 2008:
Time flies. Especially when you enjoy your weekend just a little too much.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist


Weekend Edition, November 7-9, 2008:
Wouldn't it be great if we all knew more languages? Because "foot-in-mouth" is so much sexier with an accent.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, November 6, 2008:
Many humans can relate to autumn's seasonal change. Especially the leaves falling, crunching...and overall dormancy part.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 5, 2008:
It's official. It's historic.
It's the end of the political ads. For a while.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 4, 2008:
Americans! Rock the Vote. Then go back to rocking that water cooler.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 3, 2008:
The Beatles sang, "All You Need is Love." They forgot to mention that it might be easier on LSD.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, October 31-November 2, 2008:
Market spinning the costumes this Halloween? Check out the new "Rebel Toons." They're basically sexed up cartoon characters. Previously these were called "Naughty (fill in the profession)." So move over Naughty Nurse. Rebel Disney Princesses have shorter skirts and they're egging for a cat fight.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, October 30, 2008:
Some see the glass half full. Some see the glass half empty. Some see their shot glass needs a refill. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 28, 2008:
Ah, the web-endless entertainment. Until someone kicks the plug out.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, October 22, 2008:
I wonder if Mother Nature has a sense of humor when it comes to global warming. Hmmm...payback? We should probably watch our backs for that "Kick Me" sign.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 21, 2008:
Ah, another brilliant slogan reason to pay ad people:
Hilton: "Travel should take you somewhere."
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, October 20, 2008:
Ah, brilliant slogan reason to pay ad people:
American Airlines: "We know why you fly."
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, October 17-19, 2008:
Sweater weather is not good gym incentive.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, October 16, 2008:
Halloween is soon approaching. Luckily, I have a great wardrobe palette-nearly something to fit into any occasion. Or as I might call it, "costumes for life."
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, October 15, 2008:
Recently United Airlines decided "furloughing" pilots was a good move. Perhaps the logic went: we don't really need trained people to fly a plane...if we're not flying.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 14, 2008:
Most folks logically know they should budget 3 times more than the amount of completion time expected. Damn if that happy memory loss from other projects is not a good reminder! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, October 13, 2008:
Ah, Monday. The optimistic day of the week. The day you think your "To-Do" list is doable.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, October 10-12, 2008:
There's a line of restaurants called "BJ's" and they are in expansion mode. Perhaps they should strategically locate them. Like next to Hooters.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, October 9, 2008:
"Beverly Hills Chihuahua" was the number one box office draw for the key week of the US financial crisis. Sounds like the talking dogs on screen, beat out the talking dogs in government. Even though both offer mindless entertainment.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, October 8, 2008:
I think I'm suffering from mental budget oversight. I don't think there's a bailout package for that.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 7, 2008:
I just received a piece of mis-delivered mail. George W. Bush graced the magazine cover. I don't think I'm on Mr. Bush's mailing list. I am probably on his other list, though.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Happy Birthday Dad! Love Ya!

Monday, October 6, 2008:
I forget, is the definition of stupid: trying the same thing and expecting different results, or trying many things and getting the same result?!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, October 3-5, 2008:
So if we make our own bed, and have to lie in it, why can't we just get new sheets?!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, October 2, 2008:
The much-anticipated U.S. Vice Presidential debate is today. You can look at it as informational, political, entertaining, or as we in the humor biz call it, "darn good material!"-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, October 1, 2008:
Of course the American economy bites right now. But on the bright side...political entertainment is at it's best!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 30, 2008:
There's a new slick high style magazine out called, "Garden and Gun." Wow, and I thought my grandfather hated garden bunnies. Though I don't believe he took aim while in Dolce and Gabbana.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, September 29, 2008:
It's fun when a telemarketer gets attitude and hangs up on you. These days, you can just call them right back.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, September 26-28, 2008:
"Abilify." Really. That's the name of a new drug. Well, it's so much darn cuter than, "Manic or Mixed Bipolar Disorder, Depression, and Antipsychotic Treatment of Schizophrenia."-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 25, 2008:
I have a very creative wardrobe palette-nearly something to fit into any occasion. Or as I might call it, "costumes for life."-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 24, 2008:
Two things that are still prevalent in a downed economy: drinking and humor. Guess which one is more cost effective?!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 23, 2008:
Organization is a funny thing. By the time you set it up, you have no more time to use it.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, September 22, 2008:
Laughter-priceless. And still yet, cheaper than gas.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, September 19-21, 2008:
Holy beach sand Batman! I missed turning over several Hunks of Hawaii calendar pages. Sorry Mr. June, July and August. I guess my summer was busy with other things. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 18, 2008:
Some people love amber jewelry. Others don't get the big deal:  Bugs in tree sap.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist


*****Please VOTE for us! El Rancho Trading Post is in the running for Denver's "A-List" for Best Gift Shop*****
We so appreciate you taking a couple of minutes to put us in the running--Thank YOU!
The deadline is Friday, Sept. 19, 2008, by midnight (mountain time)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008:
Continental Airlines will collect $100 million in baggage fees if you want to fly WITH your luggage. And they're predicting an almost 5% drop in passengers. You'd think that the geniuses in accounting could talk to marketing, and perhaps compare intel. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 16, 2008:
There's marketing spin. There's truth. And then there's this little warning for the drug Abilify, "At an increased risk of death, compared with a placebo." Um. O.k. then count sane people in for the free Placebo!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Please see this very important daily from Dating and Hand Grenades web site.


Monday, September 15, 2008:
The new "Garden and Gun" lifestyle magazine's byline is, "The soul of the new South." Hmm, culture and bullets. Watch your back Martha.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist


up through one week post election...
Here's how comedy can make a difference. I laughed and applauded as I listened to one of USA's newest citizens smacked us upside the head with how important it is to vote. Thanks to YouTube, you can check it out for yourself. Funny and true!
Weekend Edition, September 12-14, 2008:
There is a movie out there (seriously-not a porn) called, "Ninja Cheerleaders Fight to Cheer Another Day." Well if that isn't a great reason to skip any other important life task, Gee, what the heck is?!!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

God bless all of the folks lost on 9/11 and may their families, friends, colleagues, and all the emergency workers be continually blessed in their healing. We remember and reflect.

Thursday, September 11, 2008:
Hmmm...drinking alcohol and breast-feeding an infant while on a anti-schizophrenia, bipolar manic depressive disorder medication, is not recommended. Did anyone care to mention that having an infant isn't recommended?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 10, 2008:
My gutter company just left off the gutter cover for a section right underneath a huge tree that's starting to shed it's fall leaves. Ah, this is why we hire the professionals.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 9, 2008:
My mortgage company is Chase. Their motto is, "Chase what matters." Ah, ha, ha--very funny, folks. Because I've been trying to chase down documentation, truth, and any answers as to where the heck my money has gone with them, for years!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, September 8, 2008:
I heard a new pharmaceutical/drug ad talk about the side effects with this lovely euphemism: "some fatal events have occurred."  Now we've all got to kick it some time, but do we really have to pay a drug company to do it?!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, September 5-7, 2008:
How to get through all these political ads and media commentary on politics? Turn it into a drinking game! Here's the rules: Every time you hear a cliché mentioned, drink!*
*Not responsible or intended for immature audiences. (drink!)
*I approved this ad. (drink) -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 4, 2008:
Are you suffering from "attention spam?" According to urbandictionary.com, it's "
A condition resulting in a failure to process basic facts or comprehend common knowledge, due largely to having a mind full of useless information." Uh, that does not include humor from this site.Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 3, 2008:
Ah, breath in. Breath out. The key to life? Repeating.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 2, 2008:
Things that make you go, "What the...???": There's a big budget asthma medication out there with a warning that says, "may increase asthma related deaths." Sounds like a great solution, say if breathing or living weren't an issue.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist


* * * *
New: Cool Chic's Club-first social outing to see new movie, "The Women" Lakewood, CO 9/27/08


Holiday Weekend Edition, August 29-September 1, 2008:
We had so many great speeches in Denver for the Democratic National Convention. Probably enough sound bites to get us through political ads-- 'til November!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 28, 2008:
Ah, a few scents from a protest: hot summer day, lots of people marching, and a hint of something else a wafting.  All organic, I'm sure.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wed. p.m Report from the Democratic National Convention in Denver:
I just participated in the DNC today. Got tickets to the Rage Against the Machine concert and did my first protest march-from the show at the Coliseum. It was a peaceful and eventually successful demonstration lead by US soldiers back from Iraq to get us out of the war. We walked it all the way to downtown Denver-3 miles on foot-about 4,000 of us-all with help from the police-a LOT of them. Even ran into one who's a friend of mine. It is non-stop stuff for the DNC this week. This was my one day to partake. Had tix to the Ralph Nader event. Guess Sean Penn and others were there. Oh well, instead quenching a deserved thirst with a beer at the Denver Press Club and watching Bill Clinton's speech and resting my feet before the long walk back to my car.  

Wednesday, August 27, 2008:
"Homeland Security" sounds so cute and euphemistic. I guess, "Your tax dollars to give up your freedoms, privacy, patriotism to protect you from TERROR, and you're going on the 'watch list' anyway," was a little too long for the letterhead.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, August 26, 2008:
If women had the right to vote earlier, most of us would have voted for women leading in the world a lot sooner than this.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
***Congratulations USA-Celebrating 88 years of women's right to vote***


National Convention
to Denver, Colorado, USA!


Come visit a Colorado icon...
El Rancho Restaurant
Celebrating 60 years!
...and El Rancho Trading Post
Che' & Cam's family run gift store for 22 years!


Weekend Edition, August 22-24, 2008:
Interesting concept: when companies want money from you, they pursue relentlessly. But if they owe you money, develop account amnesia.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

14th Annual
 (Now Infamous) BBS Party*
Sat. Aug. 23, 6pm.
details & invite
(trying to keep up with everyone's contact info-but not all current or working!):
Contact Ché
This year's theme:
Circque du Ché
Circus Carnival Caravan

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008:
It's not whether you win or lose a medal, it's whether your pee can pass a drug test.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Olympic Games!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008:
Things look really different from up on a ladder. Like your health insurance coverage.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 18, 2008:
So, if you "kill them with kindness," who gets caught in the crossfire?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist


Weekend Edition, August 15-17, 2008:
I guess I'm missing the point of bigamy and polygamy. Just because you have sperm, doesn't mean you have to use them all.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 14, 2008:
United Airlines just announced they were cutting 272 baggage handlers. Gee, when you don't let people take things like their underwear on a plane, for the price of their ticket, they stop bringing stuff. And flying, too.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, August 13, 2008:
So a crocodile walks into a bar… Ah, only in Darwin, Australia, could you set up a joke like that!  Who knows what he said to the bartender. (Actually the little 2-footer was brought into the watering hole from the doorway by bar patrons. And happy PETA ending: wildlife officials took the little guy to a nearby croc farm, from where they think he toddled off from.)
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, August 12, 2008:
Only a woman’s phone would have the following real prompt: “Please leave me a brief, but detailed message.” Snappy, multitasking, split personality needs, at their best. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 11, 2008:

There's a new movie coming out called, "Beverly Hills Chihuahua." Ah, finally--something Paris Hilton can adequately act in!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

14th Annual
 (Now Infamous) BBS Party*
Sat. Aug. 23, 6pm.
details & invite
(trying to keep up with everyone's contact info-but not all current or working!):
Contact Ché
This year's theme:
Circque du Ché
Circus Carnival Caravan

Weekend Edition, August 8-10, 2008:
8/8/08-many rush to the alter, and others gather for the Olympics for fortuitous numerology. You think it'd be the same success if we balanced a few national budgets??!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 7, 2008:
Technically, you're not "going commando," if you have something else on.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, August 6, 2008:

Alright, hands up: Who all has “Another One Bites The Dust” as their romantic theme song?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, August 5, 2008:
Zheleznovodsk. Try spelling that 10 times fast. (It’s a city in Russia in the reported for putting up an enema sculpture.)-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 4, 2008:
Are you ready to hit the ground running? Are your shoes tied together?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, August 1-3, 2008:
Ah, stupid people. Thank goodness I have a humorous outlook and don't believe in guns or violence. And how am I still Italian??
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 31, 2008:

The really fun part of having kids later in life? Just as they're starting to remember, you're starting to forget!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

New TOUCHÉ! Cartoon In
PLAYGIRL Magazine*

Wednesday, July 30, 2008:

*You don't have to page through a lot of penises to get to my new cartoon (page 75). But it sure is fun!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Tuesday, July 29, 2008:

Don't you love when your overnight success...takes decades?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 28, 2008:
It takes a village. Whether you want them to or not.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Tuesday, July 22, 2008:
Whole Foods did a commendable ecological thing: they eliminated plastic bags because they take up resources and end up blowing around outside.  Cosmic joke or oxymoron? I just found a Whole Foods plastic bag (post bag ban) wind-wrapped around one of my landscaping lights.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 21, 2008:

Things that make you go, "What the...?!":
The Del Monte corporation has regular and organic bananas at the local market. The organic ones they put in a plastic bag.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, July 18-20, 2008:
Ah, my favorite drug side effect: Death.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 17, 2008:
Remember when the term "train wreck" used to describe a vehicle, rather than someone's personality?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, July 16, 2008:

How brilliant of a line is this for a drug warning, "Some people with heart failure should not..." Uh, what, like anything?? Helloooooo, it's heart failure.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, July 15, 2008:

Things that make you go "What The..."
When you hire a job out, isn't it supposed to make your life easier?
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 14, 2008:
The nice thing about laughter? It inappropriately fits in at sad times and lightens your spirits.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

horizontal rule

Brothers from a different mother...my bud Boca and mom's beautiful Brave

Heaven has 2 new angels...
Braveheart-(white pooch on the right) my mom's gorgeous stoic, and eventually playful (only with us), wolf-blend dog; rescued from abuse to a ranch, to her home, and of course into our hearts. He left us Friday July 11th to be in a place to walk and play without the restrictions of an ailing body. Bless his Brave Heart!

Johnny Schou-(2nd from left) a young bassist from the local band Tickle Me Pink out of Fort Collins. Tragically found dead on the morning the band was to celebrate it's first record's nationwide release and signing to a major record label. He'd just celebrated his 22nd birthday and the band performed at the huge Vans Warped Tour 2 days before at Invesco Field in Denver. Their album release party turned into his memorial. Rock on Johnny and TMP-thoughts, blessings and healing.

horizontal rule


Weekend Edition, July 11-13, 2008:
Ah, stupid people. Thank goodness I have a humorous outlook and don't believe in guns or violence. And how am I still Italian??-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 10, 2008:
Now here's a real news tease: "Aurora no longer requiring pants at work for some people. (more on that story at 10)" Gee, either I should work for that company, or date the television writer who's that desperate for viewers.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, July 9, 2008:
Alright, hands up: Who all has “Another One Bites The Dust” as their romantic theme song? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Tuesday, July 8, 2008:
The truth revealed..."Dasani" is "You're an idiot for buying bottled water," spelled backwards. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 7, 2008:
Wow, for the first time since Prohibition, we can buy real liquor in Colorado on Sundays. I'd loved to have been that first person in line--not because I need the alcohol--just to support the cause! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Holiday Fourth of July Weekend Edition, July 4-6, 2008:
Water and electricity: pyrotechnics for jackasses. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 3, 2008:
A man came into our gift store and said, "Oh, you sell antiques!" He was pointing to the computer I was working on. He'll be so happy to celebrate future holidays with his family, as I did not reach over the counter to smack him upside the head.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, July 2, 2008:
I love to tell someone their pants are ringing.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, July 1, 2008:
I saw a great bumper sticker that said, "Support your local hospitals, play hockey." I'm thinking they get charity  business from skateboarding, skydiving and many others, too. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 30, 2008:
Do you have a "cash pedal?" According to UrbanDictionary.com it's the nickname for your accelerator pedal in your car, in times of high gas prices.

-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, June 27-29, 2008:
There's a new song out with the lyrics, "Shush girl. Shut your lips. Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips." Ah, if only communication was only that easy. (Song is "Don't Trust Me" by 3oh!3  -check it out on 93.3 KTCL) Rock your weekend!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, June 26, 2008:
Hollywood is a fickle mistress. One who will never call you her boyfriend.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 25, 2008:
My humor is only as good as my caffeine.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 24, 2008:
Ya know, most of us wouldn't be so upset with a little identity theft, if we could switch identities for someone with stellar credit. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 23, 2008:
Have a nasty hangover from partying a little too much? Well here's a lively learned word from www.dictionary.com's fun word of the day feature: "crapulous." As in, you are probably feeling really crapulous having both drank too much and acted like an idiot.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, June 20-22, 2008:
When I hear of "padded butt boxer briefs" for men, I also I hear, "about damn time" running through my head.
(If you need the visual, check out the past dailies, for man pics.--Good thing this kind of humorous entertainment is free!)
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, June 19, 2008:
Don't you wish sometimes you could still use the childhood logic and taunts into adulthood? Like telling your boss, "I am rubber and you are glue. What bounces off me, sticks to you!"-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 18, 2008:
There's an audio/musical cd called, "Rock Against Bush, Volume 2." Hmmm...where was I to miss Volume #1?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 17, 2008:
Did you know that they make doggie wheelchairs? It's fascinating to see seemingly funny solutions to serious things, after you find you need them. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 16, 2008:
I'm not sure. Does it take incredible skill or stupidity to text...while riding a bicycle?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, June 13-15, 2008:
The HBO store has an ad to sell the "Sopranos" dvd set, promoting it with, "Celebrate Dad" for Father's Day.
Uh, yeah...with like the ultimate whack job.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Happy Father's Day
to all dads, grandpas and all the great father figures helping raise good kids!

Thursday, June 12, 2008:
My sarcasm is inversely proportionate to sunlight.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 11, 2008:
When you're younger, you stay up 'til  the wee hours. When you get older, they turn into wee-wee hours.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Happy Birthday Mom!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008:
I'm sensing a little irony coming on here. How come my insurance premium went up...for uninsured motorists? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 9, 2008:
Did you have a good weekend? Did your bail bondsman appreciate the tip?
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Shimmy for the Cure*
Weekend Edition, June 5, 2008:
Who ever thought of mixing energy drinks with alcohol? Because super-charged drunks are so much better than regular ones.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, June 5, 2008:
When your life flashes before your eyes, is it a comedy? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 4, 2008:
My dad told me about his new "terrain avoidance" gauge. Now doesn't that seem like a logical/important instrument to have in the cockpit of a plane?
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 3, 2008:
All seasons are great, aren't they? Especially summer, when you get to see how much more skin you stored up from this past winter. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 2, 2008:
Yes, the new "Sex And The City" movie is fabulous! I recommend seeing it with estrogen. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
*Weekend Edition, May 30-June 1, 2008:
HBO sells t-shirts that say, "I'm a Carrie (Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda)." How come they're not cashing in on the, "I'm a recovering cosmo drinker" angle?
Happy "Sex And The City" movie opening weekend!
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

*martini photo from www.martinipic.com custom sterling silver martini pics for the prettiest cosmo ever!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008:
"Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, dumb rhyme, blah.
Blah, blah, dumb rhyme, blah."
Wow. Rock lyric writing 101. Oh wait. That's Ted Nugent's "Wango Tango" song. He can shoot my a** from 90,000 yards with a bow and arrow. Never mind.
Happy Hump Day -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, May 27, 2008:
Because of out-of-left-field gas prices, some folks are using real horse-power. The "emissions" may be big and stinky, but at least it's biodegradable (and fertilizing).  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, May 23-25, 2008:
If you were cast as "Dumbass Friend #2," would you skip it on your resume, because you couldn't make it as "Dumbass Friend #1?" (end credits of "Blind Dating")
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, May 22, 2008:
Did you know, they make "thigh girdles" for men? Holy Cow. I do NOT want to see those "before" pictures.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, May 21, 2008:
It's nice to know he's a half a bubble past plum. In a parallel universe, with no tools. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, May 20, 2008:
A "Push Up Biker Boxer Brief" for men?? Well, perhaps these are really necessary, if you're going to ride a scooter.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

, May 19, 2008:
Never let them see you sweat. Unless they're your deodorant sponsors.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, May 16-18, 2008:
I don't understand the renewed fashion craze of super high heel shoes. Why would you wear those to walk around in downtown? Unless you're there to make a profit.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

, May 15, 2008:
Who doesn't enjoy a little identity theft? Especially with someone else with better credit.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, May 14, 2008:
Here's a great drug company profit & marketing model: add "syndrome," or "mania" onto pretty much any activity. Then, let the side effects for that cause something else you've heard of, so you can get more drugs prescribed for the new thing(s).
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, May 13, 2008:
Is it just me, or does it seem like the drug companies are just making health issues up?
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, May 12, 2008:
What's the upside spin on exponentially skyrocketing gas costs? The postal increase seems kinda dinky in comparison .
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, May 9-11, 2008:
Kids really do hear what mom's say. It may just take a few years or decades to see results.
Happy Mother's Day--in whatever format that may take for you!
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, May 8, 2008:
Gray's Anatomy had a bit of overworked, stress-releasing intern advice, "Dance it out!" Great idea, as long as you're not in a cubicle.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, May 7, 2008:
If we could all eat more ice cream, the world would be a happier place. Maybe that and nap time.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, May 6, 2008:
When life hands you lemons, add vodka.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, May 5, 2008:
Ah, spring is in the air. For some, it's love. For others, it's allergies.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, May 2-4, 2008:
Wahooooo! First Friday (the concentrated area, gallery-hopping art walk) makes it to Belmar in Lakewood. See art. And exhausted artists who just got their stuff in moments before the deadline.***
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
***I've been hard at work with a handful of folks to put together probably our biggest Colorado Alliance of Illustrators Shows ever! We have over 40 artists with over 80 pieces displayed in 2 galleries! (Whew!) You can join us for the gala kickoff on First Friday at Belmar in Lakewood, CO (with food & drinks). The show will be on display for the month of May. I have 3 pieces on display: two cartoons and a magazine cover. Here's a sampling of the amazing variety of CAI artist's works. And here's the show info link

Thursday, May 1, 2008:
As it turns out, when you're in coughing mode, overdone or stinky-perfumed people, don't help much.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl
Bonus Joke Round:
Mom asking 20 questions by phone. Uh, not helpful with laryngitis!!!
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Wednesday, April 30, 2008:
Ever get so busy, that you were too busy to call for help?
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Tuesday, April 29, 2008:
It's hilarious to watch other people whisper...because I lost my voice!
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl
Monday, April 28, 2008:
Crud. "Sick" is only a get out of jail free card with your social and work situations. Not your bill collectors.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl
Weekend Edition, April 25-26 2008:
Man being sick sucks! But I finally figured out a way to communicate (without the luxury of voice) with mom, since she keeps calling.  One phone key tone for "yes" and two for "no."  At the end of the conversation, it was so cute, she said: "Bye, beep."
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Thursday, April 24 2008:
Ah, laryngitis. Fun. Especially when mom keeps calling by phone to ask how sick I am, and then gets mad, because she can't understand me.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Wednesday, April 23 2008:
Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. Wouldn't it be nice if we could do this with cellulite. Oh yeah. We sort of can.
Happy Day after Earth Day.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Tuesday, April 22 2008:
'Tis the day to show how green you are. So go get jealous. And buy some spiral light bulbs.
Happy Earth Day.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Monday, April 21, 2008:
Planning, saving and scheduling for a big weekend conference/event for several months...$$$. Being down for the count afterwards because I tried to cram too much in...priceless.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl
Weekend Edition, April 18-20, 2008:
Hmmm...going to a conference this weekend. Need: knee pads, water and a notebook. Mind out of the gutter--it's for belly dance. Sword not included.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Thursday, April 17, 2008:
I read that 42 cents out of every U.S. tax dollar goes to the military. So, can I hock a Hummer on Craigslist and pay my taxes, since technically, I own it??
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Wednesday, April 16, 2008:
I wonder if "Red Bull" and Aspirin are legitimate medical expense when doing your taxes? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Tuesday, April  15, 2008:
Boy, everyone's gunning for "green." A new ad says, "Stop global warming." And continues, "Or all the Reese's will melt." And I thought all the unpronounceable chemicals in the peanut butter cups would keep it fresh forever. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Monday, April  14, 2008:   
Visited MySpace.com lately? You can definitely tell those who might be in between gainful employment gigs.  Or 12.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl
Weekend Edition, April  11-13, 2008:   
Having a tough time telling your parents you're with child? Have them see the movie Juno or just explain, "my eggo is prego."
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Thursday, April  10, 2008:   
It is truly a television programming travesty, when "Afro Samuari" is competing for fine cable viewership against  "Death to Smoochy." -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Wednesday, April  9, 2008:
Newsflash: They're classifying "excessive texting" as a mental illness. Raise your hand if you think the cellular companies will profit, and the rest of us will laugh our a***s off. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Tuesday, April  8, 2008:   
How come, no matter which weather-related season change we go through, it's always still a political season?
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Monday, April  7, 2008:
I've heard that a true optimist thinks the glass is completely full: half with water and half with air. Wow, that, is great spin! I wonder if I could use that theory with my bank account.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl
Weekend Edition, April  4-6, 2008:
I just heard a radio ad where a plumber got the infamous 867-5309 number and music, made popular by the Tommy Two Tone song.  That gives a whole new meaning to the lyric line, "for a good time, call..."
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Birthday Edition!*
Thursday, April  3, 2008:
Funny-the older I get, the younger "older" gets!
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

*Birthday Alert!*
April 3rd is a big deal for this giggly girl. I'm psyched that the birthday fete includes:
óI Hate Kate (cool band) at the Bluebird
(they sing the hip tune: I'm in Love With a Sociopath-soon to be a belly dance I'm choreographing)
óAlvin Ailey Dance Theater with mom 4/4
ó(hopefully) improving my doumbek skills at drum practice on 4/5
óA bunch of really pretty (and perhaps healthy?) single-size desserts from Whole Foods. Not much of a cake person (except for cheese cake and ice cream cake)...but those exquisite little pint sized pretties like tarts and berries and maybe some handmade gelato, too delectible-looking to pass up!
And since everyone's gotta have a B-Day wish list (besides world peace and health, happiness and prosperity for everyone...(and getting my toons in The New Yorker, Playboy and some more in PLAYGIRL)...just thought I'd get it out in the universe.:
ó Elevation 2008 classes-because a belly dancer's always gotta learn something fun, new and cool (there's 5 in the session I want to get to that are still available).
ó Subscription to the New Yorker magazine & Playgirl (yep, we all have to buy our own)
ó Foo Fighters Concert at Red Rocks
ó Police/Elvis Costello Concert at Red Rocks
ó Joe Cocker & Steve Miller Band at Red Rocks
óBig brass kick plates for my doors (pretty & functional)
óA portable dvd player that works
P.S. Mom's birthday is coming up on June 11th. We have 3 months of solid celebration: My b-day in April, May Day and Mother's Day, then her b-day in June.  Feel free to send gifts. He he, ha ha.

Wednesday, April  2, 2008:
The day after April Fools Day. Time to unstick all the things your cubicle-mates glued together.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 32, 2008:
Happy April Fools Day. Your bills were due yesterday.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 31, 2008:
Happy Cesar Chavez Day (civil and workers rights). Perhaps eat some grapes in honor of him. Pesticide-free. Or celebrate the day with him personally.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, March 28-30, 2008:
Belly Buster  
I'm thinking the model for this man-girdle, is not really in need of hiding his washboard abs. But image of the applicable demographic? Oooh, didn't mean to disturb your weekend visual.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 27, 2008:
Do you like reality shows? Is life really that pathetic?
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 26, 2008:
Really tired and hate cats? Take a dog nap.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 25, 2008:
Daylight savings is so nice. More light. More happy. More global warming. More frying.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 25, 2008:
Daylight savings is so nice. More light. More happy. More global warming. More frying.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 24, 2008:
How American's can reduce greenhouse gasses? Drop the obese status. Less poundage in driving=less gas + more breathing time. Now back away from the keys to the Hummer and walk to get the remote.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Happy Hoppin' Weekend Edition, March 21-23, 2008:
Looking for Easter eggs this weekend? Keep it clean. Keep it legal. There's children present.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 20, 2008:
Spring cleaning time. I think that means cleaning out your bank account for tax season. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 19, 2008:
Last day of Winter! Layer today, strip tomorrow.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 18, 2008:
My congressman mailed me a slick report mentioning environmental progress (using our tax payer dollars). I'm thinking e-mail (or even a small post card) would have relayed that message more convincingly.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 17, 2008:
It's that time of the year again...to eat green, drink green and Erin-go-braless.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Weekend Edition, March 14-16, 2008:
Fine FormReal ad copy for a new male "Push Up Biker Boxer Brief": "Increase your confidence by improving your appearance. Push up boxer briefs will help you get the look you want. Padded pouch for more defined shape and upfront enhanced look." ...So if padding the back end is "junk in the trunk," then this would be "more horse under the hood?"-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 12, 2008:
What? Not laughing much? Eat a carb!
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 11, 2008:
A "telescoping steering wheel" must come in really handy if you drive into a lake.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, March 7-9, 2008:
T.G.I.F. sounds a whole lot better than the original version:   TGIFFBMLSSMTAIHTLFTITWWICGMEDAIMIA* (*Thank God it's Freakin' Friday because my life sucks so much that all I have to look forward to is the weekend when I can get my errands done and indulge my impending alcoholism.)
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 6, 2008:
The following are reasons why I don't believe in guns: t.v. game shows, mini vans (or station wagons with wood paneling), kayaking. Because I probably would shoot myself, if near, watching, or participating in any of those.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 5, 2008:
"Spamalot." Who knew that a canned processed lunch meat could become such an entertaining theatrical musical?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 4, 2008:
Aren't pets wonderful? Especially since they usually don't bring up your worst qualities at inappropriate or embarrassing moments (like family and friends gleefully would.)
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 3, 2008:
Hmmmm...I have to pay to text the "stop" message to the company that keeps sending me text messages on my cell phone, that I'm getting charged for?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Holy Cow! This site has received well over 30,000 hits in February. Thank you for coming out to play and laugh.
Leap Year Weekend Edition, February 29-March 2, 2008:
Is it better to look before you leap? Or do you rethink that, after the cops show up?
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 28, 2008:
Sometimes Hollywood movies are better on the Spanish channel. Especially if you don't know Spanish. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Holy Cow! This site has received over 30,000 hits in February. Thank you for coming out to play and laugh.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008:
Today is "No-Brainer Day." Uh, think of something ironic here. Wait, don't.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 26, 2008:
Mini Coopers are so darn cute. Like a pricey clown car. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, February 25, 2008: Today is the first Monday of the rest of your week. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend, February 22-24, 2008: Funny how the people who should read this, probably wouldn't. Even if they are the inspiration for the humorous jab. Does that make the last laugh on them...or me? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 21, 2008:
Happy "Love Your Pet" Day. Yo, Dude-affection, not biblical. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Thursday, February 14, 2008:
Chocolate, Roses, Diamonds. For everything other than your self-esteem, there's Master Card. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

My favorite holiday of the year!!

Happy Valentine's!
Need extra time? Celebrate it this weekend!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008:
Which is your candlelight theme song, "Burnin' For You", or "Burinin' Down the House?" -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 12, 2008:
A real Valentine's gift: A pair of boxer shorts that say "Burnin' For You." I think they have a cream for that. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, February 11, 2008:
 Spin is a great thing. Not so fun when "cuddly" means built like Jabba the Hutt.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
(From the Grammy Awards Sunday night:
OMH factor of 10...now I love Aretha Franklin...but I'm sorry, a spaghetti-strap canary yellow dress??? When the  gelatinous shoulders hide the straps? what the Jabba?!)
Weekend Edition, February 8-10, 2008:
 Lakewood Eye Clinic advertises "BOTOX on the go." I that really the smartest use of face time?!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 7, 2008:  
Celebrating your inner rodent today?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Chinese New Year! Year of the Rat
Wednesday, February 6, 2008:  
Sleeping off the Super Tuesday Caucus, or Mardi Gras? I suppose it depends on who you woke up with.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Super Tuesday, February 5, 2008:
 Caucus? Mardi Gras? As long as no one shouts out to Hillary, "show us your ****[frontal anatomy]," for beads, then we should all be o.k.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, February 1-3, 2008:
 Ah, Superbowl weekend. I forgot. What ads are playing again?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 31, 2008:
 It's still my favorite non-Martha idea: If the Christmas stuff is still up, just pull the green stuff, throw a few hearts in, and call it early for Valentine's Day. (Like January has a decoratable holiday, anyway!)-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 30, 2008:
 Why does "unconditional" love...usually have a caveat?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

 Please forgive the intermittent humor, as I've been spending more time with my pets Aspen, Boca and Capri. Aspen started slowing down on runs and walks in the fall. It was important to me to spend Christmas with her, since I had a sinking feeling it might be our last together. She started collapsing on a Saturday. I brought her to the vet on Monday (when they were open) and had one more week with her. But she went downhill health-wise so fast. The following Saturday, I had the opportunity to spend one last day with her.

On A Sad Note:
My sweetie girl Aspen, border collie mix and pound puppy of 11 years passed away 1/26/08. She is deeply loved and missed. Hopefully, she is running and playing off leash, with no fences and all the squeaky toys and treats she can possibly enjoy. Her wings are well earned.

Weekend Edition, January 25-27, 2008:
If a joke is told in the forest, does anyone heckle?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 24, 2008:
Win a date with a suspected murderer? (Drew Peterson's new contest) Wow, possible dismemberment on a first date! Talk about your funny "how we met" stories.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Wednesday, January 16, 2008:
Belly Buster
I'm thinking the model for this man-girdle, is not really in need of hiding his washboard abs. But image of the applicable demographic, might leave me mentally paralyzed.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 15, 2008:
Bottom Booster
Real ad copy for a new men's product..."Skip the lunges and squats! Add some junk to your trunk with padded butt boxer briefs." Sometimes jokes aren't even needed, when the truth is this good! I love my job.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 14, 2008:
Bottom Booster
"Padded Butt Boxer Briefs" for men... would be a lot funnier if I didn't know so many men who could use a pair.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, January 11-13, 2008:
Alcohol: the key that opens that little "tact" door in the back of your brain.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 9, 2008:
Writer's strike, schmiters strike. Read online humor here. You aren't charged and I only rip off myself.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, January 4-6, 2008:
Former President Bill Clinton wrote a new book called, "Giving." Uh, who wrote the book, "Receiving?"

Wednesday, January 2, 2008:
Ah for the New Year's resolution: find and burn last year's resolution list.
Happy New Year! May more laughter be on all of our agendas for 2008.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 1, 2008:
I'm not sure of how eating black-eyed peas fit into the New Year's day Southern tradition of prosperity. Unless it's in reference to gas produced.Enjoy a tootin' Happy New Year's! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 31, 2007:
How'd you do this year? More importantly...did you get caught?
Happy New Year's! May more laughter be on all of our agendas for 2008.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist


Holly Days Weekend Edition, December 28-30, 2007:

Oh no, a Hollywood writer's strike. Time to catch up on reality t.v. I mean, your life.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Holly Days Weekend Edition, December 21-23, 2007:

Raise your glass of spiked eggnog. Here's to putting the "ho" back in the holidays.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 13, 2007:
Ever wonder if bi-polar disorder is affecting way more people these days? Kind of like peanut allergies. Just more fun stuff to medicate and separate.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 12, 2007:
What's on your wish list this season? World peace? Or a new car stereo, so you don't instigate insurgency in traffic?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 11, 2007:
Ever go near one of those cars with a voice alarm that says, "Step away from the vehicle?" Don't you just want to step in and mess with it, because you were told not to, and that's a pompous thing for a car to say anyway?!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 10, 2007:
Don't pity the striking Hollywood writers too much. Some of us out there have been writing for a lot less, for years!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist


Weekend Edition, December 7-9, 2007:
'Tis the season to text message your friends: "MRY XMAS 2 U."-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

You just never know who is going to touch your life. It may be a best friend, a work colleague, or a person known only briefly.  But to have known that person, may make you a better one.
In loving memory of a wonderful cartoonist and human being: Dan Gibson.

Dan Gibson gets his own characiture on the Denver Press Club walls, after creating a third of the infamous wall for others (and having served as president and longtime member.)

Thursday, December 6, 2007:
How's this for a stocking stuffing idea?? ...A foot.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 5, 2007:
Victoria's Secret has a sale on sleepwear. Girl on girl pillow fight not included.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 4, 2007:
When did those little gift card holders, become such hot selling items?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 3, 2007:
Rock musician Steve Miller's godfather is Les Paul. If you've gotta kiss a legacy ring, why not the musical godfather of guitars?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 30-December 2, 2007:
It's nice to know you're still getting lap dances. Too bad it's from the cat.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, November 29, 2007:
I heard the U.N. is adopting a new world slogan: "Global warming--not just for Americans, anymore."-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 28, 2007:
It's fun to fantasize about changing careers. Until the fun part wares off and the work part kicks in.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 27, 2007:
I missed the great cheap turkey sale at the grocery store. So I got a duck and a chicken instead. Wonder if I'm breaking any codes for poultry substitution?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 26, 2007:
Don't you love a little unpredictability in relationships? That "come hither" look mixed in with those "get out of my scope site, if you want to live" moods.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 23-25, 2007:
"Black Friday." How can shopping ever have such an evil name? "Cyber Monday" sounds much perkier.  Maybe because the turkey has digested. Plus you can get sleep and then shop in your jammies. Beats of racing to a store in the middle of the night for a bargain-unless the visiting holiday relatives are more obnoxious than the fellow competitive shoppers.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, November 22, 2007:
Happy T-Day. Have fun with the turkey baster and the Aunt Jamima treatment (you remember "Stripes?"). Just wash those utensils really well before you serve your guests.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 21, 2007:
Did you know that a "sssssssssssss" sound is a good thing to encourage a great belly dancing performance in the quieter moments? Quite the opposite effect if used in baseball.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 20, 2007:
Here's an idea...put the toothpaste on the mechanical toothbrush, before you turn it on. Unless you like your bathroom decorated in dental stucco.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 19, 2007:
Ah, the details of life. Make to-do list. Rip hair out at ridiculous to-do list. Ignore to-do list.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 16-18, 2007:
Ain’t relationships a kick in the pants? Not just the groin area, but the wallet? Fa, la, la, la, la...la la la, la!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, November 15, 2007:
"Boy, her next cup of coffee needs to be decaf!" (lovingly eves-dropped from a passerby's conversation at El Rancho)-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 14, 2007:
Ah, the universe is a funny prankster. It gives us energy, a huge amount of choices, and makes caffeine available. And sometimes, it likes to yank out the rug we're standing on, just to see if we're paying attention.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist
(Lovingly dedicated to our CAI VP Cherish, who is not only an amazing person, organizer, coordinator, web hostess, illustrator and a zillion other great things, but also a wonderful human being and friend. Rest and be well! You too, Benjamin :) We value you both so much!)

Tuesday, November 13, 2007:
Don't you love cute little pet names? Almost as much as a love tap in the head with a frying pan?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 12, 2007:
Oh cool. Chinese beads that turn into the date rape drug when swallowed. Guess you don't need to break into the vet's office anymore. Just beware of that colorful and funny plastic taste in your drinks, ladies.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 9-11, 2007:
WARNING: Look away now. You probably don't want to know this.
OMG factor: 9 out of 10.
Kitty Litter Cake. The ultimate in weird, gross, party treats. It's visually disturbing. And though completely edible for adults, you'd definitely have leftovers, unless served to children or dogs.  (Basically a regular cake, covered with crushed up vanilla sandwich cookies, with some semi-melted Tootsie Rolls, and it's served in a new cat litter pan with a new litter scoop. Use a liner for extra "ew" effect.)
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday,  November 8, 2007:
WARNING: the following may make you ill, while you laugh. (It's gross. You've been warned!)
OMG Factor: 10 out of 10
There are reports of a "drug" called Jenkem interesting kids in America (you guys, stop trying to live the "Jackass" show concept for your real life, eh?). (Someone was smoking something really off to think of this!)  It's basically human waste (yep, #1 & #2) that is fermented and inhaled as a hallucinogen.  Oh all of the crappy humor that will be spawned from this-just from the nicknames alone. As the radio announcer joked, "Don't bogart the butt hash." Consider yourself at the back end of cutting edge knowledge.
-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday,  November 7, 2007:
Funny, on a search for pumpkin farms, one sounded a little odd: Colon Farms. Seriously, would you want to purchase your produce here? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 6, 2007:
Does anyone else see the irony of the Botox advertising line, "Express yourself?!" -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 5, 2007:
Did you know the new chess king is a queen? Susan Polgar was the first to win chess' international triple crown. Isn't it cool when brainiac geeks have their stereotypic image checkmated by a chick?  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition,  November 2-4, 2007:
Sure every day is a present. But do any of them have a return policy?
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday,  November 1, 2007:
Who ever said, "you can't take it with you," has never partied with the worms. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Rockies Rally Wednesday, ROCKTOBER 31, 2007:
Gosh darn, gee whiz!  For the great pumpkin search Charlie Brown, why not try Happy Apple Farm? Curious: what happens to the sad apples? Do they get sauced? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, ROCKTOBER 30, 2007:
Hey Broncos: Nice nail-biter endings. Are we going to need defibrillator paddles for the entire football season?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, Roctober 29, 2007:    World Series 2007  We're Proud of You ROCKIES!!!  You Made HISTORY!
Congratulations on winning the National League Pennant! The World Series scoreboard may have said Red Sox, but the Colorado Rockies baseball team won our hearts. You united our city and state with positive energy and integrity. Thank You! So proud to wear purple!

Monday, ROCKTOBER 29, 2007:
Fun to see so many Red Sox fans in Denver for the World Series. They may have won the game, but they left their wallets. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Sunday, Roctober 28, 2007:  World Series 2007  RALLY ROCKIES!!!
Go Ahead and Make HISTORY!  Rally Caps on People!
I just learned this from a fellow fan at Coors Field last night-turn your baseball cap inside out and upside-down and put it back on. The logo still shows. Yeah, it's goofy and superstitious. Welcome to baseball. I did it first and we scored. Others around did it and we scored and the team made more great plays. Try it. We've got a World Series to WIN and nothing to lose!

Weekend Edition, ROCKTOBER 26-28, 2007:
Rockies come back to roost in Denver for games 3, 4 and 5 of the World Series.  Let's show 'em that the Purple Monster trumps the Green Monster...with altitude, boys!
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, ROCKTOBER 24, 2007:
Ah, a whole day spent trying to get World Series tickets. Any advancements in world peace that I missed? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, ROCKTOBER 23, 2007:
Ever have those days when you put your foot in your mouth? And have you noticed that change in shoe size? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

O.K. Folks! Here's the belly dance show video of just our "Evening in Transylvania" piece, posted on YouTube.com-it's in two parts, so watch them both (about 11 minutes total)
Part one
Part deux

Monday, ROCKTOBER 22, 2007:
They were going to make a movie called, "4 Blondes and a Funeral," but they couldn't figure out if they were supposed to breathe or not.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Dance, Dance, Dance!
Weekend Edition, ROCKTOBER 19-21, 2007:

You expect me to dance, AND do the math??! *
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
*P.S. This is utterly hilarious to dancers, since we need to constantly count in our heads to get the moves right. Dedicated to my fellow belly dance vampires: Countess Rafi'ah, Saira, Naia, Laura, & crypt-keeper Kendra, for our show performance Saturday night.

(pictured: Countess Rafi'ah)

Wednesday, ROCKTOBER 17, 2007:
Just think of all the digital pictures we're taking and saving for future generations. The kids will have a blast saying, "Gee, we really should go through grandpa's 3 million pic digistick." -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Purple Tuesday, ROCKTOBER 16, 2007:
There are a whole heck of a lot of sports injuries in Denver today. Not the athletes. It's all the sports fans - jumping on the Rockies Bandwagon!
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, ROCKTOBER 16, 2007: The celebration at Coors Field in lodo Denver last night was so unbelievable! Great fans, great police, very few problems and a whole lot of celebration for an amazing home team. My favorite was all the folks with decorated brooms, sweeping and high-fiving each other overhead with the broom heads.  I never realized how much sports can bring people together. From my belly dance class, to artist friends and fellow Rockies baseball fans around the field, we're all celebrating the "Miracle on Blake Street!" Congratulations to the Colorado Rockies--the Cinderella team who just won the National League Championships!(Stay Tuned For Rockies Celebration Pics...including a fun one with Carl Bernstein of Watergate reporter fame.)

Weekend Edition, October 12-14, 2007:
Life's too short to do stupid stuff. And not laugh about it.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, October 10, 2007:
Seriously, classic crooner Paul Anka covered the Van Halen song, "Jump."  Wow, now even grandmama can rock out at the next wedding reception. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 9, 2007:
The kids are back in school. Time to record all your favorite new t.v. season shows and still not have the time to watch them. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, October 8, 2007:
It's great to celebrate with gift giving. You look good, and then the terrorists don't win. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Birthday Dad!
Weekend Edition, October 5-7, 2007:

Gotta love the Aerosmith song, "Falling in Love is Hard on the Knees." Really, because how long's a guy gotta hang out in that position with a ring box propped open?
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, October 4, 2007:
I blame global warming for body parts hanging lower. It's making all that perky fat, sag. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, October 3, 2007:
Ah...Fall. Hot apple cider, earlier sunset walks, and crisp autumn leaves down the back of your shirt from a loved one. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 2, 2007:
Ever get the feeling that the calendar companies speed up the year, just to increase business? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, October 1, 2007:
Gotta love the new song, "My Girlfriend is a Sociopath" by indie band I Hate Kate. Seriously, it's a really catchy tune, with a great stalker beat you can dance to.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, September 28-30, 2007:
"Menopause-The Musical!" "Mid-Life! The Crisis Musical." "The Great American Trailer Park Musical." What's next in attention span theatre? "Genital Warts--The Musical?!" -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 27, 2007:
A new study says men with lower voices have more children. So, vocal tone is the new male sperm count? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 26, 2007:
Roadside sign: "$8 Haircuts + Produce Special." Really? One stop beauty and veggie shopping? Hmmm... -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, September 21-23, 2007:
I’d love to learn new languages. Just enough to show some Americans do care, and can still mispronounce lots of things to a variety of cultures.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 20, 2007:
I am not up for irony before caffeine.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, September 14-16, 2007:
Getting stood up for an expensive dinner date: $150. Fresh floral arrangement: $45. Accoutrements for post-dinner entertainment: $85. Using all as comedic material instead: Priceless.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 13, 2007:
It must be nice to be a stay-at-home mom. Who wouldn’t want that great laundry workout, applesauce facial, and U.N. translation for the under tot set. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 12, 2007:
Forget about the axis of evil, what about the axis of taxes? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 11, 2007:
Sometimes humor or entertainment doesn’t seem very important in the grand scale of things. And sometimes they are exactly what we need to get through the grand scale of things. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, September 10, 2007:
Thrills. Spills. Chills. And that’s just Monday morning at the office. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, September 7-9, 2007:
Aren’t knickknacks great? Especially if they’re at someone else’s house for dusting. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 6, 2007:
Wouldn’t it be the ultimate honor to have a hurricane named after you? Because who really needs a building or charitable organization to have your moniker? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 5, 2007:
It amazes me that the more you shouldn’t have it, the more credit offers you get. That’s like giving an obese person an insulin drip of cheesecake. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 4, 2007:
Is it just me, or could you take a lilac soap-scented guy, seriously? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Holiday Weekend Edition, August 31-September 3, 2007:
Have you heard about Atlanta’s new proposed underwear law? Yep, kids have to pull their pants up. Just like your parents in the 60’s. Oh wait, theirs went up a little too high. That’s why you’re here. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 30, 2007:
To yank one’s chain, or be the recipient of such yanking. Ah, that truly is the relationship question. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, August 29, 2007:
When life gives you an incessantly barking dog, make jerky out of its owner. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday,  August 28, 2007:
Is gas still expensive? I wouldn’t know, as the pricy fumes have killed the brain cell arrangement that does math. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 27, 2007:
Who’s up for chasing Clocky around the room? (The $50 alarm on wheels that jumps and rolls till you find it/shut it off/kill it.) Now you don’t have to wake up merely tired, but also tee-d off, and without the benefit of caffeine. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

BBS Weekend Edition, August 24-26, 2007:
Aren’t parties great? Wouldn’t it be cool if guests helped with the cleanup party, too? Even if wearing the decorations and getting sharpie marker tattoos are more darn fun. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 23, 2007:
I like to have a set of boxing gloves in my car. It makes me think my pipsqueak horn sounds a little more intimidating. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, August 22, 2007:
Many people say they like reading the newspaper sports section first because it’s result-oriented and positive.  Woo-hoo: steroids, speed, injuries…and the latest police report. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, August 21, 2007:
Do you think little gnomes get into your junk mail pile at night, and secretly make more? That way we deplete our resources and make ourselves extinct. Maybe that’s their plan to rule the world. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 20, 2007:
Do you think little gnomes get into your junk mail pile at night, and secretly make more? That way we deplete our resources and make ourselves extinct. Maybe that’s their plan to rule the world. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, August 17-19, 2007:
Why so freaking hot? Doesn’t Mother Nature know how hard it is to pull grandma out of the potato salad? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 16, 2007:
Ah, finally a way to wake up that will leave you scratching your head. Meet Clocky, the alarm clock on little wheels that gives you one snooze chance then makes you chase it around the room to turn it off. It could be the new Tackle Me Elmo.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, August 15, 2007:
I wish I could date just to get stuff done. That exterior painting would go a whole lot faster with some help. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, August 14, 2007:
There’s nothing quite so fun as burning the candle from both ends. Especially when you get to that zippy firecracker middle. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 13, 2007:
Many people say they like reading the newspaper sports section first because it’s result-oriented and positive.  Woo-hoo: steroids, speed, injuries…and the latest police report. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, August 10-12, 2007:
Remember when security checkpoint people used to have a sense of humor? Now they have a little room and rubber gloves. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 9, 2007:
Remember in the winter, when you were whining because it was so cold? And now your brain cells are frying in the other direction.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, August 8, 2007:
If only there was some better way to keep up with the books in my life, I could watch t.v. in peace.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, August 7, 2007:
I never thought I’d see the day when I’d be jumping for joy at a gas price of $2.78 a gallon. Just goes to show, the fumes are getting to our brains. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 6, 2007:
Ah, Monday. The best day for having a heart attack, or getting things done.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, August 3-5, 2007:
Love is a many-splintered thing. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 2, 2007:
Some days, when you stick your two cents in, it's one for the loafers and one for the road. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, August 1, 2007:
I love hanging my laundry out in the hot summer sun, like my grandma once did. It’s really fun to watch my neighbor’s expressions when my garments burst into flame from the heat. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, July 31 2007:
One size fits all. Sometimes if just in a past life. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 30 2007:
Super Glue is one of the greatest sticky fix-it concoctions ever invented. Especially when it involves gluing your fingers together. Crap. I'm stuck to the keyboard.   -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, July 27-29, 2007:
Life is too short to drink cheap beer. Especially if you're buying. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 26, 2007:
"You're welcome," doesn't really serve a verbal function. It's just a polite way of getting the last word in. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, July 25, 2007:
There's nothing wrong with wearing a hat to protect the bald spot. You could probably take it off when you're shaving, though. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, July 24, 2007:
"Yoga."  "Guns." "Billiards." Holy cow, now that's a strip mall that just about covers it all.   -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 23, 2007:
Do you believe in the power of dreams? It's the one place where your Aunt Edna, house growing up and flying all make sense. At least as much as an art house flick. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition,
 July 20-22, 2007:
Catching up on your summer reading? Or better yet, your summer shaving? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 19 2007:
If you ever see me looking constipated, consider that it's not my digestive track, but your use of Patchouli. Hey, it's better than the other physical reaction I have. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, July 18, 2007:
Are you saving for retirement? Or are you thinking that the walker will probably not hinder your Wal*Mart greeter performance? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, July 17, 2007:
"BOARDERS FOR CHRIST," was painted huge on this van I just saw. Wow, Jesus is getting hip, dude. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 16, 2007:
I loved the end line on a television furniture sale ad, “Hurry in, before it ends.” Uh, was there a start date? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, July 13-15, 2007:
Time to lie down and kick back. Careful. That beer belly has a different center of gravity than you think it does. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 12, 2007:
“I’ve really learned a lot by going to jail,” says Paris Hilton. Keep trying honey. Actually read a newspaper or some books. Then we’ll talk about your brainy danger to society. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, July 11, 2007:
If your cup runneth over, you might want to get that checked. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, July 10, 2007:
When was the last time you entered a wet t-shirt contest? When was the last time anyone wanted you to? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 2, 2007:
I thought I’d attempt learning a little German, so I got a book called “German in 10 minutes a Day.” So far, I’m about 20 minutes in. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, July 6-8, 2007:
If you’re going to wear back hair to a beach, dear god--at least style it up with some product, man! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, July 5, 2007:
Wouldn’t it be nice if the same dating rules which applied to men also applied to women? Boy, that’d really upside the self-help book’s marketing industry in the head. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, July 4, 2007:
Life is short. Shop first.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, July 3, 2007:
After Adam and Eve were banished from the garden of paradise, do you think they went directly into corporate life? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, July 2, 2007:
Time flies when you’re paying bills. Or awaiting ankle-bracelet removal.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, June 29-July 1, 2007:
I found out they have a motorcycle escort service. Sweet! Seriously. Sign me up!  But I hear that to get an “escort,” you have to be dead. (Apparently they accompany funeral processions, oh, well.) -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, June 28, 2007:
How come if a man buys flowers it’s considered nice? But, if a woman does it and encloses a card, they call it stalking. Gee whiz, just because she made her own key and put the flowers inside.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 27, 2007:
Wow, like, Paris is out of jail. Now if we could only get our troops home safely and find that Osama guy, we’d be all set. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 26, 2007:
Funny how we’re all jumping on the global warming bandwagon now. Especially anyone with a depression-era family member was already taught the definition of “reduce, reuse, recycle” a while back.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 25, 2007:
Wasn’t it Gandhi who said, “Be the change you want to see in the world?” Wouldn’t it be nice if that worked with infants and diapers?
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, June 22-24, 2007:
Don’t you love it when you find something that you thought was lost forever? Good thing it doesn’t apply to virginity. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, June 21, 2007:
My favorite recent quote, “Jail is like a cage.” Thank you Miss Paris Hilton for representing the intelligence of blonds worldwide with such aplomb. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 20, 2007:
Did you hear, President Bush is going to approve stem cell research? As long as it doesn’t involve stem cells. (Yep, a real news story.  Some stuff like this, I just can’t make  up!) -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 19, 2007:
Does she like you? Isn’t that what the restraining order says? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 18, 2007:
I seriously saw a license plate that read, “IDIDIT.”  O.J…is that you??? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, June 15-17, 2007:
Happy Father's Day!

It's good to try something new. It makes for great bar stories that start out, "One time, when I was drinking..."  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, June 14, 2007:
The traditional roles over time: Hunter. Gatherer. Decorator. Sales. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 13, 2007:
Gotta love those relationship moves that make you feel like Bush in a Michael Moore film. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 12, 2007:
Ever have one of those jobs that made you feel about as useful as the emergency raft coordinator on the Hindenburg? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Birthday Mom!
Monday, June 11, 2007:
Life is short. Eat your ice cream before it melts. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, June 8-10, 2007:
Ah, spring. Thump thump goes the heart. That was the heart, wasn’t it? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, June 7 2007:
Remember when flowers used to be a surprise of endearment? Now you might as well get them peanut butter and hope for an epi kit and anaphylactic shock! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, June 6, 2007:
It’s not who you know. It’s what you know about them… -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, June 5, 2007:
Do you believe you can be “Lucky in Love?” Wanna flip for it?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, June 4, 2007:
Every once in a while we should ditch the pencil, and just "ink" someone in. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, May 31, 2007:
Exposing yourself to a little culture is good. Unless you need a prescription to cure it.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, May 24, 2007:
Gotta love the “where do I know you from” game. Factoring in age, social activities, past jobs, different friendship circles, and ex’s, you could be there playing for hours. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, May 21, 2007:
I used to carry a torch for someone. But I found a hand grenade was so much quicker. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, May 10, 2007:
What's with that interior design trend of 'balls in a basket?' I could see it, if you had a really big cat, or you actually did knit.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, May 9, 2007:
It's fun to drop little tidbits in young impressionable minds. Especially if you don't pay the therapy bills, because they're not your kids. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, May 8, 2007:
Remember when a "power suit" was clothing? Now it's your sunscreen's S.P.F. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, May 7, 2007:
Wouldn’t karma have more satisfaction kick if it the payback was immediate and visible?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, May 4-6, 2007:
Problems in bed? Hold the conversation until away from the mattress. That way you’ll have a chance to get invited back. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, May 3, 2007:
Follow the graph of your life’s happiness. Ooooh, too bad most someone erased most of the data. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, May 2, 2007:
Did you know incorrect belt sizes are related to intestinal difficulties? Nicole Ritchie doesn’t count. She doesn’t have intestines.OOOOh, look...A full moon! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, May 1, 2007:
Kind of interesting to think that some men can keep their cars cleaner than their bathrooms. Must be something in that dangling pine tree air freshener.
Happy May Day! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, April 30, 2007:
I love conferences that host drinking events. I find colleagues return my calls more when I’ve seen them toasted. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, April 27-28, 2007:
Who needs a lab to test antiperspirants? Just study any couple on a first date. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, April 26, 2007:
Which do you think is worse: Twinkies or cigarettes? Perhaps it’s a good one to ponder over a drink. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday April 25, 2007:
Careful ticking off the wrong networkers. You may end up in their blogs.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, April 24, 2007:
I have to admit, I really like live music. Although, truthfully, I’ve not spent a significant enough amount of time around a cemetery to hear the dead stuff. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, April 23, 2007:
Did you know that “The Secret” is a book, about making a movie, about the book? Oops, I just gave it away. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, April 18, 2007:
If a tree falls in the forest, does it say “ouch?” -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, April 17, 2007:
I don’t mind paying taxes. I just wish a little less went to tanks and a lot more went to health care.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, April 16, 2007:
Why is procrastination a problem for many people? Is it not a priority worth putting on the “to do” list, when you find it?  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, April 13-15, 2007:
Inspiration comes from many sources. From some, it’s the reward of nature, or the desire for riches. For other’s it’s a threat from the I.R.S. Happy Tax Weekend! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, April 12, 2007:
Careful ticking off the wrong networkers. You may end up in their blogs. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, April 11, 2007:
Do you think it is an oxymoron if the word “dictionary” is in the dictionary? Do you think there might be a point of tiredness that would make this a relevant topic for discussion? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, April 10, 2007:
When you’re up your up. And when you’re down it’s time to reconsider giving up your accounting degree for figure skating. But heck, the sequins are deductible. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday: April 9, 2007:
Ever notice that the predominance of people who are into “new age” thinking, tend to be a little older? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition: April 6-8, 2007:
Welcome to your 6 month fix from your last major candy holiday (Halloween). Enjoy your chocolate bunny. Happy Easter! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday: April 5, 2007:
Isn’t it fun to be the new person in the office? Coming up with something relevant for the group birthday card is such a great test of company suck-up-ism. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday: April 4, 2007:
What’s on tonight’s sleep agenda: a cozy snuggle for body heat, or pillow war for the covers?  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday: April 3, 2007:  Special Birthday Today-Cartoonist Ché
Funny, the older I get, the older “younger” gets. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday: April 2, 2007:
Too bad they don’t have a book club for magazines. Think of how much more interesting the conversations would get over Playboy or Playgirl. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition: March 30-April 1, 2007:
April Fools bring May flowers, right? Watch your whoopee cushions. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 29, 2007:
Greeting cards are a great idea for people that can’t pen their own sentiments. Too bad they don’t have one that says, “I spent a ton of time to read these cards, to find just the right one that says exactly sort of what I wanted to tell you.” -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 28, 2007:
I want that booming movie announcer guy to narrate my mornings. It’d sure make getting out of bed more interesting…”In a world, of slumberous sleep…One person decided to wake up…and save the world!” -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 27, 2007:
There is something so rejuvenating about spring cleaning. Especially when someone else does it. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 26, 2007:
Dateline: Monday…the day you try to hide behind your inbox, for a nap. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, March 22-25, 2007:
Love isn’t blind. It’s incontinent. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 22, 2007:
Fading New Year’s resolution # 23: cut down on t.v. viewing. Mmmm…YouTube doesn’t count, does it? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 21, 2007:
Take a deep breath in and welcome Spring! Then grab the tissue box for your allergies.~ Happy Spring! ~  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 20, 2007:
Today is a great day to celebrate…by marching winter out the door today with a police escort. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 19, 2007:
Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. Then whine about your dropped cell call from your SUV, as you run that wimpy hybrid off the road. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, March 16-18, 2007:
The luck of the Irish…is that a freshly poured Guinness, or staying upright? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist ~ Happy St. Pattie's! ~

Thursday, March 15, 2007:
I want to be as happy as they are in the commercials. Too bad aftershave doesn’t work that well on my legs. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 14, 2007:
Denver is listed by Forbes as the top city for singles in the U.S. If you want to do doubles, you may want to try Boise, Idaho. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 13, 2007:
How is it that a cat wants everything you are eating, yet will actually eat none of it? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 12, 2007:
I have the best intentions of reading my stack of newspapers. It’d work better for me if they just printed one story and the cartoon section each day. Though that’d suck for all of my writing buddies for job security. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, March 9-11, 2007:
Kama Sutra or Karma Chameleon? Should make for an interesting translation. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 8, 2007:
What’s worse: daytime t.v. directed at stay-at-home parents, accident victims, and the unemployed? Or night time t.v. for insomniacs, lonely hearts or folks with a valid credit card? Guess I’ll just watch the early shows with blood, guts, traffic and a new cake recipe. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, March 7, 2007:
Maybe crow’s feet are like tire treads—it’s better if they aren’t worn thin. Damn you, pretty poison Botox! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, March 6, 2007:
Harlequin romance novels are teaming up with NASCAR themes. Do you think that ups or lowers the “trashy” part of the guilty pleasure reading? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, March 5, 2007:
Perhaps it’s best to laugh. Especially since that alternative thought, might require jail time. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend (HBO Aspen Comedy Festival) Edition, March 2-4, 2007:
When in Colorado, make sure to visit (planet) Boulder, where the granola is organic and gals can braid their armpit hair. And wiff in the Celestial Seasonings “mint” room. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, March 1, 2007:
 Ah…altitude: Colorado’s little oxygen joke for tourists.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, February 28, 2007:
You think hat size and shoe sizes somehow correlate in unusual ways? Sure they do—when you take ego into account. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 27, 2007:
Quick: February is “Learn Italian” month. And it’s Black History month, too. That sounds like a good excuse for a culture club party! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, February 26, 2007:
Ah, sarcasm: the breakfast of Monday champions. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, February 23-25, 2007:
Sure Denver got top honors for the best city for singles. The math is easy: Alchohol + less oxygen = better scoring ratio. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 22, 2007:
Gotta love the Corona beer commercials. All they have to do is hire hand models and film a lawn chair on the same beach, over and over and over. Is that the ad guy IN the commercials, you think?!
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, February 21, 2007:
Gotta love the Corona beer commercials. All they have to do is hire hand models and film a lawn chair on the same beach, over and over and over. Is that the ad guy IN the commercials, you think?!
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 20, 2007:
Ah, the things I will not do for beads. Happy Mardi Gras! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, February 19, 2007:
Live. Love. Laugh…at least once a day, at yourself. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, February 16-18, 2007:
What exactly possesses a dog to think the cat box is an appetizer tray?  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 15, 2007:
Come down off of your Valentine’s chocolate hangover yet? Either from celebrating Valentine’s Day, or marking the other occasion gaining popularity speed: the “shove this greeting card/retail/Anti-Valentine’s %$#&^!-ing Day?” -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, February 14, 2007:
Snow boots have become my new sexy bedroom slippers.  Happy Valentine's Day! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 13, 2007:
Think way back…since when did “air” become an allergen? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, February 12, 2007:
Work in your bathrobe day Feb. 12-promoting the home-based workforce. That means Fuzzy Bunny Slippers are now tax deductible. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, February 9-11, 2007:
When life gives you pomegranates, make Pom-tinis!
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 8, 2007:
Right now, I think Mother Nature is to our global thermostat, as a small child is to elevator buttons.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, February 7, 2007:
I'm cross-training for the snow-shoveling Olympics. Added winter bonus: I think I'm almost certified on the 4-wheel ice and pothole neighborhood road course.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, February 6, 2007:
Ah, Valentine’s Day is coming up. Might as well buy a ring or a sleeping bag…according to the best in guilt giving commercials. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, February 5, 2007:
I think Punxsutawney Phil (the groundhog) dug a little deep. He came out of his hole speaking Chinese. The translator said to expect an early spring. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

* * * *Da Bears. Dey lost. Darn.* * * *

Weekend Edition, February 2-4, 2007:
Ah, Super Bowl Weekend…what many athletes exert their very best on, so the rest of us can exert the very least to watch them.  Pass the remote and the guacamole, please. Can you turn up the commercials while you’re up getting me a beer?! 
And Billy Joel and Prince are entertaining for the big Super Bowl show and halftime. Just think—all that flashback potential, without even taking a drink! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist* * * *Go Bears!* * * *

Thursday, February 1, 2007:
I got a dvd/vcr unit for my office so I can have all the media I try to keep up with going in there Now I can work and fall asleep on my computer, perhaps messing it up with drool. Probably smoosh my face on the keys and spam e-mail Japan by accident. It'll probably come back to me from one of my friends as an e-mail FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 31, 2007:
The real appeal of country music? I listen and realize my life doesn’t suck that bad. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 30, 2007:
The cheer for winter: Fleece…Velcro…and the pursuit of a decent frappe-latte-mocha-grande-chino! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 29, 2007:
When the media gets tough, the tough get spinning. (Better PR rep, anyone?) -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, January 26-28, 2007:
Time for a real winter getaway.  How about that ever exotic…clean garage?
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 25, 2007:
Step back. Breath. If all else fails, there’s always Prozac. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 24, 2007:
Why do people get you to say your number, then tell you, “Wait, let me get a pen.” -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 23, 2007:
Country music cheers me up. I can’t keep a straight face with that much twang. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 22, 2007:
Oh, that’s a nice thought. And in your world, do they use turn signals, too?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, January 19-21, 2007:
Home theater systems are great. Now, I can hit the living room couch, fall asleep 10 minutes into a movie and attempt to watch it over and over from the same point--in surround sound! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 18, 2007:
Ah, to have hips like Shakira, a derriere like J-Lo, or a waist like Beyoncé. Oh, wait, I forgot. I’m not in my 20’s or make my living by MTV. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 17, 2007:
Here’s a trick to seasonal decorating for lazy people: leave your Christmas stuff up ‘til March. Take away the green decos, and leave the red up—and Voila—Valentine’s Day! Switch the red out for the green and Erin go Bragh—It’s St. Patties décor!

You can stretch that to April 1st for April Fools Day, but then Martha Stewart will beat you if you don’t change over to spring pastels. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 16, 2007:
It’s good to have a little color, right? I’m thinking green tint might be the exception. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 15, 2007:
So if I get better organized as one of my resolutions, does that mean I can find the rest of my list? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, January 12-14, 2007:
We don’t recommend tourists make snow angels in Colorado right now. We won’t find you ‘til spring. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, January 11, 2007:
Thank goodness for New Year’s resolutions. How else would health clubs make their fake quota? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 10, 2007:
Always remember to backup all of your vital documents. How else do you think scrapbooking became such a profitable industry? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, January 9, 2007:
Oh, now I remember you. You cast the deciding vote, running the red at that last intersection.   -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, January 8, 2007:
Bluetooth, TiVo…BlueRay, Intel, Hdtv…I’m consumerized to feel inadequate. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, January 5-7, 2007:
I met a Russian family today who came to Colorado for the snow (apparently there is none there or in much of Europe right now). Perhaps Al Gore should check out that global warming campaign trail again. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, December 29-31, 2006:
Wait, shouldn’t global warming be helping my winter energy bill? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 28, 2006:
There’s nothing quite like the brightness in a child’s wide eyes this time of year. Of course, it could just be the sugar rush. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 27, 2006:
Thank goodness dogs aren’t supposed to have chocolate. Because that would be quite the bitch fight with the human alpha of the household. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 26, 2006:
You think you have funny work stories for the year? Try asking any emergency room personnel about the best in stupid human tricks during the holiday season. Bet theirs are better. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend/Christmas/Blizzard Edition, December 22-25, 2006:
Every time you hear a bell, an angel gets it’s wings, right? Or perhaps that’s just the sound of your credit card getting declined.Merry Christmas everyone--and humor on earth! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 21, 2006:
Gotta love having a cat and tinsel trimmings around the holidays. The cat box cleaning is so much more amusing. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 20, 2006:
Wait, are those brake lights up ahead, or did the WallyMart truck dump it’s load of plastic lawn Rudolphs?  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, December 15-17, 2006:
Ah, the holidays…chaos, crazy and stress. Make my nog a double. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 14, 2006:
Come on Santa. I’ve been very good this year. I haven’t ratted anyone out…close to me. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 13, 2006:
Is it me, or does everyone happen to work with at least 3 wise guys, this time of year?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 12, 2006:
Thank goodness for winter. It hides most areas that scream, “Wax me!” -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 11, 2006:
Punctuation. It’s not just for decoration anymore. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, December 8-10, 2006:
They say that love is a drug. For some it’s oral. Others might think suppository. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, December 7, 2006:
A rose, by any other name...is really just a different flower. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, December 6, 2006:
Ah, another day, another dollar out the door. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, December 5, 2006:
"It's beginning to look a lot like retail, everywhere you go..."
(Go ahead, hum the tune-it'll stick in your brain all day!)
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, December 4, 2006:
Ah, making it through the day...priceless. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, December 1-3, 2006:
Smile today. Tomorrow could find you in traction. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 29, 2006:
You’re the prime stockholder in the company called you. So stop ripping off your investors. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 28, 2006:
Since when did we become allergic to everything we do--like walking outside, breathing, eating and cleaning? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

T-Day Holiday Weekend, November 22-26, 2006:
The real secret to losing weight: buy in bulk. Then, don’t eat it all. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 21, 2006:
If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, you were owed more money than you thought. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, November 17-19, 2006:
You know that reptilian brain theory that says there are certain things like breathing and blood flow that take place automatically from the limbic area? Perhaps that’s how Paris Hilton is getting by in daily life. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, November 16, 2006:
Which font should I use for the ransom note? First impressions are everything. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 15, 2006:
A relaxing bath after an exhausting day isn’t that good of an idea. Unless you like to fall asleep and drown. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 14, 2006:
The T.V. brain is a terrible thing to waste. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 13, 2006:
My little Ms. Ché Manners rule of Forwarding E-mail Etiquette: If you didn’t, type it, I don’t want to read it. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 10-12, 2006:
Saturday 11/11 is Veteran’s Day(USA)/Remembrance Day (Canada) A salute to all of the men and women over the years who have defended and fought for our right of free speech. Because of you, I am able to bring humor to the world. I have this freedom and also the right to even be a little off target on occasion, in an attempt to bring a little levity to our daily lives. Thank you. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, November 9, 2006:
Money isn’t the root of all evil. But the love of instant gratification with an extended payment plan, doesn’t exactly help. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 8, 2006:
If at first you don’t succeed: Try, Try…and Tweak. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, November 7, 2006:
Happy Dias de Los Muertos (Day of the dead-11/2). Oh wait, it’s November 7th, Election Day. Same difference, right?!  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, November 6, 2006:
Watch out. I’m politically active. I vote. And I have a car worthy of stupid bumper stickers! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, November 3-5, 2006:
A little breath mint never hurt anyone. Well, except for that person who goes into anaphylactic shock from peanuts because it’s the next production line over from the harmless breathmints. Curiously strong. Strangely dead. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, November 2, 2006:
Men don’t need no stinking driving directions. Whichever way the car is pointed is the direction they’re driving. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, November 1, 2006:
Remember when we romantically waxed poetic about “voyeurism?” Now we call it stalking. Not quite the same sexy ring. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 31, 2006:
Don’t you love Halloween—a day you can break out of your shell and be someone else—even if it is an M&M or a turtle. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, October 30, 2006:
Ah, so little miss sunshine gets it out of a bottle, too. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, October 27-29, 2006:
Daylight Savings time. I forget, is it “fall back” into your old habits or get enlightened to new ones? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, October 26, 2006:
Ah, it’s a pity it’s not legal to skeet shoot with those cell phones that get left on at public events where respectful quiet is appreciated. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Thursday, October 19, 2006:
Remember the good ‘ole days of customer service? When there was a paying customer, and “service” wasn’t an “additional option.” -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, October 18 2006:

Time flies, when you’re wasting company break time.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 17 2006:
I don’t mind the commute. Watching others perform multitasking distraction stunts while driving is so entertaining. Kind of like NASCAR for two year-olds. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, October 6-8 2006:
Adventure living is great. Showing which scars went with which death-defying act is really entertaining cocktail conversation at parties. Plus it really pisses off the accountants.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, October 5 2006:
If at first you don’t succeed: Try, Try…and Tweak again. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, October 4 2006:
Smile and the whole world smiles with you. Wear a piece of clothing inside out and you geekily stand alone.    -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, October 3 2006:
Ah, so much spam. So little time to forward to people I don’t like much.    -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, October 2, 2006:
Ah, dorm life. There’s the rulebook…and every penny’s worth of school tuition of brain cells used to get around it. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, September 29-October 1, 2006:
Admit it, it’s not really a “Buddha belly.” It’s a beer belly. And how lucky are you really getting with it?    -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 28, 2006:
If “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”…How does that translate to stalkers?
    -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 27, 2006:
“The Lake House” is out on dvd. If all the Kevin Costner movies are taken, you know, Keanu Reeves is the next best box office draw.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 26, 2006:
No wonder my luck sucks this week. I didn’t send out those e-mail chains like I was guilted into.    -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, September 25, 2006:
I was taken for a bride at the bridal festival, but not as an Italian at the Italian festival. Come se dice (how do you say) "irony."  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, September 22-24, 2006:
Ah, kiss the ”official” summer sun goodbye. The upside? No more sitting on a hot car seat, and then needing a skin graft after the blackout from shock.   -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 21, 2006:
How exactly does a morning radio station make the business decision to put on clinic’s ad for “Bladeless and flapless corrective eye surgery?” Mmmm…No I-Hop stops today. And I guess I’ll skip that flapjack and strawberry breakfast, after all.   -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 20, 2006:
He who laughs last…didn’t brush his teeth.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 19, 2006:
Watch out. I’m politically active. I vote. And I have a car worthy of stupid bumper stickers!   -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, September 18, 2006:
Gotta love this time of year. Just when you are considering stashing your bathing suit, you’re hearing “Jingle Bells” in the malls. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Weekend Edition, September 15-17, 2006:
When you look at a crayon box, you see colors. When I look at a crayon box, I see a colorful bikini wax. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, September 14, 2006
Ah, the kids are back off to school.
Time to watch Oprah and Ellen without sideline commentary.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 13, 2006
When in doubt: ask your parents. Then, believe the opposite. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Find a penny, pick it up. It’s how Homeland Security passes time when they’re bored. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, September 11, 2006
Reconnect. Remember. Reflect. -Ché Rippinger
Friday, September 8-10, 2006...and your Grandparent's Day (Sept. 10th) weekend
It’s a parent’s job to guide their kids in making good life choices. It’s up to the grandparents to do the opposite for their grandkids, plus give a little parental payback for all the crap they did growing up.
 -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Bonus Weekend Touché! :
From the growing up (dad) archive—“There’s two forms of communication: Telegram and Tell-A-Grandma.”

Thursday, September 7, 2006
Halloween candy is on sale now, two months before the holiday. Isn’t it an odd, fine line between preparation...and preservatives?  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, September 6, 2006
If you want something done right, ask a woman to do it. If she messes up, she knows who to call to make it look otherwise. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, September 5, 2006
This one was from my departed Great Aunt Mary: “Time flies when you’re paying bills!” (The nice utterance before the cursing, and praying to make up for the bad words.) -Ché Rippinger, Humorist
Friday, September 1-4, 2006...and your kickin' Labor Day weekend!
High speed internet: $40 a month. Gas: over $3 a gallon. Still sitting at home in your jammies: Priceless. For everything else: there’s scratching yourself. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, August 31, 2006
I love my phone company. Where else can I be so thouroughly amused with the irony of being on hold for 10 minutes, and then disconnected? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Youth is wasted on the young. And Botox on the old. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Monday, August 28, 2006
So many things to file. So little time to set an interoffice bonfire and get away with it. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Friday, August 25-27, 2006...and the weekend-enjoy!
Popular movie choice to see Snakes on a Plane? Maybe not so fast. A prank was reported that 2 rattlesnakes were released into one viewing audience theatre. This is wrong in oh so many ways. Therapy anyone? (FYI: 8.23.06 zap2it.com helped set the record straight that the original National Ledger newspaper story may have been a bit of an urban myth, as it was hard to prove where the rattlers actually were found, and where they really came from. But still, creepy buzz makes for tabloid press sales and spreading internet interest.